The World View

Ever wonder what the hell's going on in Iraq? Then check out this blog.

The Season for Giving

Just a reminder: My birthday is exactly 1/4 of a year away. If you're looking for a gift idea, consider any of these.

Let's Get it On

If you haven't Arnold's 1977 OUI magazine interview yet, I'll throw in my two cents worth: Arnold is a Kennedy by way of marriage, after all.

I actually read the entire article online... I'd excerpt my favorite line from it, but I try to keep the blog PG-13. If you're curious, though, it was on Page 3.

Gridiron Groupie

By the by, if you're wondering why I haven't written anything about our first "Sports Overtime" of the season.. it's because I'm still pretty upset about the whole thing. Nearly all of our photographers called in sick on Friday night, so we only got to eight games. We try to get to between 12-14 a week. It's hard to fill a 20-minute show with just eight games, but we did what we could.

We had a surprise waiting for us when we got out to the set... new chairs. Unfortunately, they were too tall! Our legs didn't fit under the desk! Even worse, since we're out running around in the heat, humidity, and rain, we're always wearing grubby pants. So Dave and I spent the entire show yanking on our jackets to make sure they were covering our sloppy slacks.

Of course, the show could've gone much, much, worse. My very first Sports OT, the studio crew forgot to turn on the set lights until about 30 seconds before the show. It takes them about 5 minutes to warm up, so we were pretty much in the dark literally and figuratively.

Today was the first day of college football. I'll summarize the area teams:
Auburn: the #6 team in the nation was shut out 23-0 by eighth-ranked Southern Cal. Jason Campbell turned the ball over twice, both times leading to Trojan touchdowns. I wonder how long it'll be before there's another quarterback controversy on "The Plains?"
'Bama: Pretty-boy coach Mike Shula must've given one helluva half-time speech. Bama went from trailing 17-7 with less than a minute in the first half to winning 40-17. Huh?
Georgia: Oh, ye of little faith. Critics said that the Georgia defense had no secondary. Yet, they shut out Clemson at Clemson. Critics said that Georgia's inexperienced Offensive Line wouldn't get the job done. True, they could have protected David Greene a little better (he was sacked four times). Still, I think Georgia's 197 yards rushing (Compared to the Tigers' 35 yards) probably makes up for it.

Red Planet Update

The Thursday evening trip to the Science Center was a success. There were hundreds of people waiting to see Mars, who came out from behind the clouds about five minutes after we arrived. Wwe got a fairly clear look at it through one of the telescopes. You could even see it's polar ice caps.

We went for a stroll around Heritage Park across the street while we waited for some of the crowd to disperse. When we got back, they'd opened the observatory, so we got to see the Red Planet through the big telescope in the tower. Pretty cool, except anytime someone went up or down the stairs (which was all the time), the telescope shook and the view got blurry. Oh well.

Just a side note: Don't you think Red Planet would make a great name for a beer? If you ever open a microbrewery, feel free to use the name... but only if you can give me a free case.

Friday Five

On Sunday, mind you... should I add two more questions and make the Friday Five into a "Sunday Seven?" Nah.

1. Are you going to school this year? Um... no thanks. 19 years of formal education and another seven as a teacher were enough for me, thanks.
2. If no, when did you graduate? Graduated from Rochester Adams High School in 1987, from Oakland University (B.A.) in 1992, Central Michigan University (M.A.) in 1995.
3. What are/were your favorite school subjects? In High School- English, Journalism, and Drama. In college- Art History (I majored in Communication Arts and Minored in Art History). In Grad School- Rhetorical Criticism.
4. What are/were your least favorite school subjects? Math, math, and math... in particular Algebra. I aced Geometry in High School, but barely pulled "C"s in Algebra. I also didn't like history at all, but I think it was because of the emphasis on dates. I really like watching the History Channel, and visiting historical places (I went here a couple weeks ago.)
5. Have you ever had a favorite teacher? Why was he/she a favorite? I think my favorite teachers were always the ones who recognized that I was smart, but didn't expect anything extra out of me because of it. I spent a lot of my childhood "dumbing down" so that I would fit in better (I would even put intentional spelling errors into notes I wrote to my friends). I've always been more of a self-learner, so I guess I always liked the teachers who just "let me be."

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Out of this World

In case you haven't figured it out, Cory and I don't get out of the house much (Let's face it... if I had a life, I wouldn't have just written three paragraphs about a routine trip to the dentist).

Anyway, I'm very excited about tonight. We're heading out to the Coca-Cola Space Science Center to look at Mars. I know, it doesn't sound that exciting, but this is my last night of "freedom," since high school football season starts tomorrow night.

For those of you that don't know... high school football turns every Friday night into a nightmare for me. Dave and I produce a 20-minute highlight show every Friday (actually, we start producing it on Monday, and it takes four days to get it done, because we're working on all of our regular sportscasts every day). Then on Friday night, we both shoot at least two football games, and send three or four photographers out to shoot games as well. Then, after getting back from shooting our games (often very sweaty, or soaked from a thunderstorm, or windblown, or all of the above), there's usually only about an hour to 1 1/2 hours left to edit all of the highlights (sometimes as many as 12 games), plus edit highlights of the Braves/Hawks/Thrashers game, plus write and edit any other sports news that might be happening that day, plus answer the phone to get scores from the 50-odd games going on in our viewing area, plus enter all of the scores into the computer, plus try to look presentable to anchor the show.

To be honest, it's probably a four-person job, which is why the show never runs totally smoothly. When I first started doing "Sports Overtime," the 11pm evening producer and I used to go for a beer after every show, to get the whole mess out of my system.

Shiny, Shiny

I went to the dentist today, and unlike most people, I had a pretty good experience there. I know a lot of people hate going to the dentist. It's never bothered me, probably because I was blessed with pretty good teeth. I never even had a cavity until I was 30 years old.

I really like the dentist here in town. I'm going to the same doctor that does Cory's orthidonture, and he's really nice. I actually met him last year, at a Columbus Quarterback Club meeting. We found out that he used to play football at Auburn, and even interviewed him for one of our zillion sports specials last year.

His office staff is great, too. His main hygenist is from International Falls, Minnesota, so as you can imagine, she's a pretty big hockey fan. We sat and talked hockey for about half an hour. She's a season ticket holder for the Cottonmouths, and I've seen her at several games. We both can't wait for hockey season to start!

It Takes All Kinds...

Believe it or not, 22 people have already bid on this item at EBay. Do you think they're collectors of antique undergarments? Or maybe they just have some kind of boob-sweat fetish?

(That's right... I just used the phrase "Boob sweat." If you prefer, consider "Tittie Residue" instead.)

The Newest Diet Craze:

Wow. Here's a novel concept.

The Most Flattering Horoscope Ever

Excerpts from my horoscope on this website:

"The Sportslady is an unsung hero, an undiscovered genius..."
"...Deep down inside the Sportslady yearns to be wild and crazy, footloose and fancy-free. She wants to break the rules, question convention and court controversy... "
"...The Sportslady was born to be brilliant. She was destined to be daring. One day she will realise this and then the world had better look out."

wow.

Queer Eye Update

Come, join us... Jump on the bandwagon!

Hot-lanta, continued...

So, Saturday night, Cory told me he really wanted to go to the pool at the hotel. Now mind you, we've lived in our apartment complex for nearly a year, and he hasn't been to either of our swimming pools... but for some reason, the hotel pool was appealing. I set the alarm clock for 8am, knowing full well that he'd never get up that early, no matter how badly he wanted to go swimming.

Cory got up at 10:30 am.

Half an hour later, we headed off to Six Flags, courtesy of a pair of free tickets (Thank You, WTVM!). I'm happy to report that the park was empty. The longest we waited for a ride was about 35 minutes for the Deja Vu. The shortest wait? For the park's newest ride, Superman: Ultimate Flight. In fact, the wait was so short that we rode it twice in a row, an honor I usually only reserve for The Gemini at Cedar Point.

The Superman roller-coaster was pretty cool. When you board, it's like an inverted roller coaster (the kind where you are suspended from the track, rather than riding in a train on top of the tracks. ) But, right before the ride starts, all of the seats lean forward, so that you're "flying" through the air. Of course, we went on all of the roller coasters.

Bad things about Six Flags: I got bitten on the back of my leg by a spider. It still itches like crazy. Also, my knees and shins got such a workout from two days of walking around zoos, malls, and theme parks that my left knee now pops every time I move my leg. I'm pretty sure that it's just going to give out on me eventually, so that's something to look forward to.

After Six Flags, we headed home, stopping in Newnan for dinner. We picked a restaurant we'd never been to: The Fire Mountain Grill. Once we got inside, we realized it was just a Ryan's buffet in disguise. We were too tired and lazy to go anywhere else. It was actually a very peculiar experience. Our waiter was a very nice foreign gentleman (I think he was Indian), but he was kind of peculiar. I got the impression that he probably came to this country looking for a much better opportunity than waiting tables at a buffet, like maybe he was a scientist or professor, but somehow ended up in Newnan with no prospects. I felt bad for him, since you could kind of tell that people made fun of him behind his back. He kept trying to strike up a conversation with us, but just didn't quite know what to say. Neither did we. So we just gorged ourselves and went home.

This Week's California Gubernatorial Update

First it was the last action hero... then it was a diminuitive actor... then it was a prop comic.
What comes next in the natural progression of events? How about a porn star?

You really need to check out her platform (and no, that isn't some kind of weird sexual innuendo). While #3 & #4 are a little... um... unusual, #7 really isn't such a bad idea.

You Call This A Vacation???

Lucky me, I get to spend another day of my so-called "vacation" at work!

Auburn's football press conferences are on Tuesdays, and evidently there isn't anyone available to cover for me while I'm on vacation, so it's off to Auburn I go.
Actually, having to go in on my day off isn't the frustrating part... The frustrating part is that nobody could tell me if I had to go or not... so I had to get up early just to call around and find out if I have to go in today. And even better, the person who gets to make the decision called in sick today. I didn't even think people in our department were allowed to call in sick. I work in a two-person department, so I always have to come in to work when I'm at death's door.

Yeah, I know... I'm a whiner. But my "week's vacation" has turned into 3 1/2 days of vacation. Can I help it if that ticks me off???

A Healthy Organ is a Happy Organ

Saw a story about this public health campaign recently on The Daily Show... you really have to see it to believe it.

My favorite part of the website is near the bottom of the page: "See Pictures." It links to a lovely photo album of Healthy and Phil's day on the town in San Fran.

More From The City

After our trip to the zoo, Cory and I headed out to Buford and the Mall of Georgia. To be honest, I was pretty unimpressed. It was a nice mall, but the "Largest Mall in the Southeast United States" didn't really live up to the billing. Great Lakes Crossing back home is much more impressive (though my mom hates it... she says it's the ugliest mall she's ever seen.) The best thing about Great Lakes Crossing? The mall-cops dress kind of like mounties.

The best part about the Mall of Georgia? Free samples in the food court. It was kind of like going to Sam's Club on a Saturday afternoon and grazing on free samples in the freezer department.

After the excursion to the mall, it was dinner at Dave and Buster's (except we're idiots and we kept calling it "Dave and Barry's," after our favorite humor columnist). If you haven't been to a D&B, think of a Chuck E Cheese for grownups. We had dinner (stuffed ourselves), then blew about $20 on video games and skee-ball. And no, smart-ass... I didn't get winded playing skee-ball this time (if you don't know the story... maybe someday I'll tell it on this blog. But probably not.)

Finally, we headed back to the hotel. We got a sweet room at the Courtyard in Midtown Atlanta (near the Georgia Tech campus), for just $40 on priceline.com. I was pooped out by the time we got to the hotel, and passed out watching the Little League World Series. That's ok... we had a big day planned for Sunday, too.

Laundry Loser

Just finished a load of dark laundry... and I've officially confirmed that I'm an idiot. A blue ball-point pen stowed away in one of my pockets (or one of Cory's... though I'm pretty sure it was mine). So, several items in the laundry were ruined by the ink. Some of the things that got inked up were inside-out, so I only got ink on the inside... and a couple other things were items like old towels and whatnot... not so bad. Unfortunately, two specific items took the brunt of the exploding pen... one of my favorite articles of clothing, a really cool blouse that my mom got me for my birthday, and a moss-green polo shirt that I gave Cory for Valentine's day a couple of years ago.

Crap.

Hot in the City

Ok, it's Take II of "Sportslady in the City."

Saturday morning, we headed off to Hotlanta. First Stop: Zoo Atlanta. Now, I've always loved going to the zoo... I remember one time as a kid counting all my pennies to see if I had enough money to take my parents to the zoo on a Sunday afternoon. As an adult, I have more of a love-hate relationship with the zoo. Some of the animals look really happy. Some of them look depressed and neurotic.

Zoo Atlanta is no exception. The elephants are obsessive-compulsive because they don't have a big enough area. On the other hand, the great apes have about 10 acres each. One of the encouraging things about Atlanta's zoo is that they have lots of baby animals. To me, that means the animals are fairly happy (miserable, unhealthy animals don't like to do the nasty). The baby orangutan is adorable.

The pandas seemed pretty happy, too (One of them has a sweet hammock). At first, I felt pretty bad for them, because though they have an outdoor play area, they were each inside a 20x20 pen with just a few toys and a plexiglass window to the outside world. Then I thought about it, and realized it was about 95 degrees outside and they were in the air conditioning while all us dumb-ass humans were standing outside in the miserable heat and humidity all day. I'd actually seen giant pandas before... they were visiting the Toledo Zoo in 1988, and I drove down a couple of times to see them. I've also been to the San Diego Zoo, but the line was so long to see their pandas that I didn't bother.

The most charismatic of all the animals was the red panda. We showed up at his little pen right at feeding time, and he came out to pose for the cameras for a few minutes. Honestly, he was working the crowd.

I was, however, very disappointed in the otter exhibit (usually my favorite part of the zoo). Just one lonely little otter. He looked like he was having a good time, splashing around in the water, but he could have used some little otter buddies.

Great.

Yeah, so I just wrote a seven or eight paragraph novella about our weekend in "Hotlanta."
Blogger ate it.
Very pissed. Very tired. Going to bed.

I'll try to reconstruct our trip tomorrow.

Blog-Free Saturday

Saturday will be a blog-less day for the Sportslady. Cory and I will be heading north to the "Big Peach" (or as the rest of the world calls it, Atlanta) for the day. On tap: The Zoo, the Mall of Georgia, and Six Flags. A full report to follow.

Let's Get Some Bloody Runs!

Ozzy Osbourne's rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at Chicago's Wrigley Field (translation courtesy of the Chicago Tribune):

"One. Two. Three.
"Let's go out to the ballgame. Let's go out to the bluhhhhhn.
"Take me a ee-yan eeya (humming) the field.
"I don't care if I ahh-uhn ack.
"Da da da da duh da da da eam. Duh ee, da da da da dahhh.
"For a fee, two, three strikes you're out at the old ballgame. Yeahhhhhh."

Is it just me, or does everyone feel the same weird, sad sort of pity when they see Ozzy Osbourne? The man was a heavy-metal rock-and-roll god... and now he's a pathetic doddering mess. Seriously, he makes Keith Richards look young, spry, and healthy.

More Competition

As if it wasn't already hard enough for a woman to find a decent job as a sportscaster... now I have to compete with Anna Kournikova???

I give up.

Friday Five

This week's Friday Five is pretty lame... But I'm just proud of myself for posting it at 12:09 am on Friday!

1. When was the last time you laughed? I just got back from watching "Bruce Almighty" at the dollar theater. I'm not a big Jim Carrey fan (in fact, I'm pretty much an anti-fan).. but the scene where Steve Carell freaks out on the news set was freakin' hysterical.
2. Who was the last person you had an argument with? Probably Cory. I can't think of an argument we've had recently, but I remember about two days ago we had a pretty heated discussion about something sports-related. We obviously didn't see eye-to-eye on the topic, but I don't remember what it was!
3. Who was the last person you emailed? Hmmmmm... haven't really sent out any emails lately. Last night, I sent Cory a targa file of the Big East Conference logo so that he could load it into our graphics computer at work. Pretty exciting, huh?
4. When was the last time you bathed? An actual bath? I don't remember. I showered this morning, at about 9:30. I probably should have taken a shower when I got back from shooting the special, but I decided to take a nap instead.
5. What was the last thing you ate? As I write this, I'm eating a green (lime) Fla-Vor-Ice freezer-pop.

Like A Rhinestone Cowboy...

I'm watching "I Love The 70s" on VH-1 right now, and they're talking about the song "Rhinestone Cowboy" by Glen Campbell. 1975 was the first year that I really became aware of music, I guess, because I loved "Rhinestone Cowboy," "Love Will Keep Us Together" by Captain and Tenille, and "Tie A Yellow Ribbon" by Tony Orlando and Dawn. Anyway, I distinctly remember going at Lounge/Restaurants as a kid that had live music (A lot more places had live music back then) and constantly requesting "Rhinestone Cowboy." God, I was an annoying kid.

As an addendum, I'm thoroughly enjoying "I Love the 70s," much more than I enjoyed "I Love the 80s," primarily because the 80s show really held no surprises for me. The 80s was a trip down memory lane. "I Love the 70s" is more of a trip down repressed memory lane for me. The best part is that Cory doesn't remember any of it, so I get to share really lame stories from my childhood with him.

Happy Anniversary

To one of the greatest movies ever made. Has it really been a quarter century?

I wasn't going to post anything about Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore and the Ten Commandments controversy across the river, but you simply can't escape it around here. It takes up the first seven or eight minutes of every newscast.

Without going on a rant, let me say this: Aren't our judicial representatives supposed to uphold the laws and the rulings of superior courts? Thought so.

Personally, I don't really care if the Ten Commandments Monument is in the Alabama State Judicial Building or not. If the walls of the US Supreme Court can contain a frieze depicting Moses holding his stone tablets, then I don't really see a problem with having the monument in Alabama's Judicial Building.

No, I don't think it belongs there, and I think it's just as offensive to non-Judeo-Christians as a nudie pinup would be to a female justice. And I appreciate the fact that Roy Moore paid for the monument with his own money. But is he willing to pay for the potential fines (an estimated $1 million) with his own money? Didn't think so. So far, a non-profit organization has footed the bill, but eventually that money will run out, and I don't see Moore backing down. And Alabama isn't exactly a state that can afford to shell out any extra cash. They can't even afford to pay residents their tax refunds.

Oh... and before you say anything about the liberal media, remember, I'm just the sportslady. I don't even work on the same side of the building as the news department.

Vacation Update

Today, I got to spend three hours of my vacation at work!

We had to tape our college football special, "Sidelines '03," this afternoon. That meant hanging out at Memorial Stadium at 10:30 this morning. I got there about five minutes late, and felt really bad about it until I realized that only one other person was there, our producer, Justin. Turns out, nobody was willing to commit a photographer to us (how we're supposed to tape an hour-long football special on our own, I'm not quite sure. Oh, it can be done, it would just take about six hours to do it.)

We finally got our photographer a full hour after the time we were supposed to start taping. So there's an hour of my vacation, spent sitting around in 90-degree heat. Then it took 1 1/2 hours to shoot the special. Oh, then I had to go in to work to fill out my "time card," because even though our payroll system is on the internet, you can't access it from anyplace but work. Which means, if you're on vacation, and you expect to get your vacation pay, you have to go in to the office... not an easy task if you're a normal person and you go somewhere on vacation.

Oh, and did I mention that it was hot outside? Tune in at 6:30 on Saturday, and you can actually watch me get progressively sunburned while also watching my makeup sweat right off my face. Methinks it'll look very appealing.

Here's A New One:

Apparently, someone out there in the Cyber-Universe thinks NHL Superstar Teemu Selanne is a little light in the loafers. A recent Yahoo! hit to this site came using the search string "Gay Teemu Selanne."

Oddly enough, several people have also found my blog looking for stories about the "Super Himalaya," one of my favorite puke-rides of all time.

For those people, I feel the need to point you to this little news item. Perhaps now, carnies will face a dress code when it comes to the length of their mullets.

Cable Update

I promise, this is the last post about my cable provider... Just thought I should provide a little closure.

When I opened my email on Monday morning, I had a message from the cable company. It had been sent on Saturday, eleven days after my initial inquiry:

Thank you for your Email inquiry.
I have good news, we still offer the Bravo network in Columbus.
I do apologize that the guide still had the Bravo network listed on channel 76 and that this has cause any inconvenience.
In Columbus, Bravo has been moved from channel 76 to channel 60. Also, the show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" should still be on.

If there is any thing else I can help you with, please feel free to call me at (phone number omitted)
Again, I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Thank you for being a valued Knology customer!

Sincerely,

Michael Hutko
Billing & Service, Corporate Call Center

Eleven days before a response. Do they get such an incredible volume of complaints that it takes eleven days to reply with a simple paragraph? If that's the case, I'd hate to be that guy!

Beware, Richard Gere

Giant Gerbils Invade China. I can only imagine the urban legends that crop up as a result of this news item.

Identity Crisis

The Gender Genie thinks I'm a dude. Apparently, I don't write "Girly" enough.

The "Error Proof Test"

Sure, EPT claims to be an error-proof pregnancy test... but is it fraud-proof?

Here's a thought... bidders are paying $20.00 for a piece of plastic that somebody urinated on.

On a related note, Cory and I were at the "Dollar Tree" the other day, and next to the $1 bottles of ibuprofen and the $1 tubes of toothpaste were $1 pregnancy tests. Would you trust a pregnancy test that you bought for one dollar?

An Exercise in Futility, Pt. II

Who's the worst baseball team in History?
The Bad News Bears? Nope, but a good guess. Without Tatum O'Neal, they were pretty horrible.
The 1962 Mets with their 40-120 record? Perhaps. Hell, the 2003 Mets aren't that much better.
The 2003 Tigers and their (projected) 38-124 record? Most likely.

ESPN.com answers one of life's most pressing questions today.
(and, in the sake of fairness, I should add that I rounded up on the Tigers' projected wins. They actually project to collect 37.4 wins this year. Yeeeesssh.)

An Exercise in Futility

The guy at the driving range laughed at me today. Not in a mean-spirited way, but in a good-natured "I'm laughing with you, not at you" kind of way.

But he still laughed at me.

Meanie.

"The Hulk"

Wow. What a horrible movie. Seriously... 2:15 of my life I'll never get back.

It's pretty sad when the computer-generated character is the most believeable actor in the entire movie.

This Blog's Last Blackout Post

Two things: First of all, my parents got their electricity back sometime on Friday evening. They got their water back several hours later, though they still have to boil water, I think through Thursday.

Second, I stumbled across these photos on the internet: First, the US Northeast on a typical night. Second, the US Northeast during the blackout.

The Sportslady broadens your educational horizons one again.

A Sad Note

The Great Blackout of 2003 claims an innocent victim.

I regret to inform you of the passing of a very dear half gallon of Breyer's All-Natural Chocolate Ice Cream on Friday, August 15, at approximately 12 a.m. Breyer's spent its last few days in Susan (last name omitted)'s freezer in Canton, Michigan but perished in the catastrophic power outage along with a partial gallon of milk, four large eggs, and partially used jars of tartar sauce and Hellmann's mayonnaise.

The funeral was held at the kitchen garbage disposal Saturday, August 16. Susan officiated at the ceremony. A ceremonial sacrifice of a jar of pickles was made.

Breyer's All-Natural Chocolate is survived by a partial carton of Breyer's All-Natural Berry Swirl, is in questionable condition in the freezer.

Memorial donations may be sent to the "Feed Susan Some Fresh Ice Cream" Fund.

Score One for Pepsi!

I meant to blog about this last week, but never got a chance to. I bought a Diet Pepsi Vanilla at the gas station on my way to shoot a story, and I'm absolutely hooked.

For years, I've been a fan of fountain-style Vanilla Cokes. In fact, Sonic is my favorite fast-food joint, primarily because you can get vanilla syrup added to your soda (That and the chicken sandwich with honey mustard). So last year, when Coca-Cola debuted Diet Vanilla Coke to great fanfare, I was thrilled... until I tasted it. It tasted way too chemical-like. Serious disappointment.

I actually bought my first Diet Vanilla Pepsi by accident. I thought I had grabbed a Diet Pepsi out of the cooler, and didn't notice it was different until I got to the cash register. It was a happy accident. It's seriously good stuff.

Do you think I could get some endorsement money from PepsiCo for this blog?

Love Thy Neighbor

Our next-door neighbors are a very sweet older couple in (I'm guessing) their late 60s. For the last week, they were on vacation, visiting their kids and grandkids in Texas. Today was the first day I've seen either of them since they returned.

I walked out of my apartment to head over to the laundry room, and Liz had apparently just gotten home from work. She was standing in front of her apartment with a can of Raid, with a determined look on her face, spraying a steady stream of the bug-killer onto a spot between our apartments.

I think I've mentioned the scary, scary black grasshoppers before (the photo, by the way, is actual size). I'm all about loving animals and nature and whatnot, but four-inch-long grasshoppers are where I draw the line. Liz must have dumped half a can of Raid on him, and he wasn't slowing down a bit.

We bonded for a few minutes over our mutual terror of grasshoppers and snakes and other creepy-crawly things we find in our yards and on our patios. She told me that one day, she was peeking out her gate at a snake, and a little green anole crawled onto her head. Naturally, she freaked. She went to brush him off of her head, and ended up knocking her glasses off, but she was too scared to feel around on the ground for her glasses, because she was afraid she might grab the snake.

That's one of the bad things about living in the South. Too many creepy-crawly critters.

Advice Needed

I want to go to a dollar movie tonight at the cheap theater. Here's my dilemma: The only movies I might have an interest in seeing are "The Hulk" and "Bruce Almighty" What to do, what to do...

An Apology:

Sorry blogging has been so sporadic lately. We're doing an hour-long college football preview special this week, and though we actually got a producer for this one (he's doing the bulk of the work), there's still a lot to do. I've worked past 2am the last two nights getting things ready for it.

Technically, I'm on vacation right now, but I'll have to come in on Thursday to tape several segments for the special, then I'll have to come in on Tuesday to go to the Auburn University Football press conference. Glad I wasn't planning to leave town.

Anyway, I'll try to blog more regularly for the next week or so. After that, no promises. High school football season (and my personal Friday night hell) kicks off on the 29th, and college football kicks off the next day. From that point on, I don't get a lot of free time until after New Year's.

The Friday Five

Once again, the Friday Five is way late.
1. How much time do you spend online each day? At home, probably about two hours. I do some blogging, read email, visit a few friends' blogs. Sometimes I do some shopping, too.
2. What is your browser homepage set to? ESPN.com, both at home and on my computer at work.
3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)? Nope.
4. Where was your first webpage located? I had a faculty page at Truman State University. It was pretty lame, one of those instant "Webpage in a box" kind of things.
5. How long have you had your current website? I started this blog in the first week of January, as part of a New Year's Resolution to keep in better touch with old friends. There's only three or four that visit this page semi-regularly, but it's three or four more people than I used to keep in regular touch with!

Come on, play along!

California Gubernatorial Update

Watch out Arnold, Gallagher, and Gary Coleman... there's a new kid on the Gubernatorial path.

Playstation Widow

Cory got his copy of Madden 2004 last night. It would be unfair to say that I haven't seen him since. In actuality, I saw him last night when he offered to let me play his new game (he won pretty convincingly). Oh, and I briefly saw him at work today, as well.

Ben Franklin's Curse

(This post written at 1:00 Friday afternoon.... But we lost our internet connection three times while I was trying to post.)

I got off the phone with my parents about half an hour ago. They still don't have electricity or water at their place. Last they heard, they probably won't get electricity until Monday at the earliest. Nice, huh? They had to drive to Romeo, Michigan (birthplace of the untalented "Kid Rock") just to buy water. They were at the store for over an hour, purchasing a zillion little bottles of water (they were out of jugs, of course) and six bags of ice. I tried to entertain them for a little while, but eventually had to get ready for work.

Last I checked, nobody could figure out who started the big power failure. So far, the blame has fallen on Michigan, Ontario, Pennslyvania, and New York.

Not to start another irresponsible "internet rumor" among the eight people who read this blog, but I think the whole thing is probably Detroit Edison's fault. We've had trouble with their service as long as I can remember. During the hot, hot summer of 1995, we went over a week without electricity. The worst part was that it was just a stretch of about 10 houses that lost power... and Edison couldn't figure out how to fix the transformer box that blew. Since then, there have been countless lengthy power outages in the Detroit Metro area, the worst one coming this last winter. My parents were without power that time for about a week.

Oh, and on a mostly unrelated note, Detroit Edison has pissed off a lot more people than just my parents.

Let's Hear It For MoTown!

(Detroit-AP) -- The Detroit Tigers will host the 2005 All-Star game at Comerica Park.
The Tigers called a news conference today to announce the selection. Commissioner
Bud Selig said last year that the Tigers were a "prime candidate" to host the game,
which was last played in the Motor City in 1971.
The All-Star game is the latest in a series of high-profile sporting events awarded in
recent years to the area. The 2004 Ryder Cup will be held at Oakland Hills in suburban
Detroit. The 2006 Super Bowl and the 2009 Final Four will be played at Ford Field, the
home of the Detroit Lions.
Next year's All-Star game is in Houston.

Maybe they'll even have electricity by then.

Ahhh, Nature

Marine biologists have made a breakthrough in Whale research.

On a completely unrelated note, my last two posts have both reminded me of one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes: "The Marine Biologist."
George's monologue from the end of that episode always cracks me up:
"The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli!"

The Sportslady Hits the Links

For just the third time in my 33 years, I golfed today. I won't share the humiliating details of my scorecard. Instead, I'll just give you a brief summary.

1) We ran out of time and only played six of the nine holes at Godwin Creek Golf Course.
2) Lost two golf balls: Both bright orange with little pink breast cancer ribbons on them.
3) Found two golf balls: One Titleist, one Dunlop. So I broke even par on the balls, at least.
4) My best score? An 8 on a par-3 hole. I won't tell you what my worst score was.

Now, in my defense, I don't own a driver, so I was only using a wedge to get down the fairway. Not that using a driver would have helped me in any way... it would have just allowed me to shank the ball further.

On a positive note, I won an amateur level tournament yesterday. Too bad it was on the Playstation.

Sucks to be You

I'd just like to wish a hearty "hello" to all my friends and family in Detroit, Connecticut, and New York.

Oh... wait... you can't read this.

Never mind.

What'chu Talking About, Willis?

Why all the hype about Governor Schwarzennegger, when there are so many other equally qualified candidates out there in California? What about Governor Coleman or Governor Gallagher?

Dispelling the Ugly Rumor

One of my co-workers (who asked to remain nameless) came up to me at work today and said "Hey, I can't believe you're leaving us."

"Huh???" I replied. "Ummm, I'm not going anywhere, unless you know something I don't."

Last month, I applied for another job with Raycom, our station's parent company. I hadn't even been looking for a job, but this one was ideal. The position was a Weekend Sports Anchor in Toledo, Ohio, only about 90 minutes from home. I have to admit, I was pretty excited about the chance to work there. I was a finalist for the job, but didn't get it (more on that later).

Somehow, inter-office signals got crossed, and someone announced that I was leaving the station. "Yikes!" I thought. "They may already be looking for my replacement. I need my job! I'd better get on the ball and squash this rumor!"

Anyway, I went to my boss (my real boss, the News Director, not Dave) and told him I didn't get the job. Honestly, I kind of figured he already knew, since he had to fill out paperwork in order to give me permission to apply for the job in the first place. He expressed the appropriate "sorry you didn't get the job" condolences, and we joked around about the station still being stuck with me. Hopefully the rest of the station will get the message that I'm not bolting.

As for the reason I didn't get the job, I'm sure there are many... however, I have to admit that I gave quite possibly the world's worst phone interview. I had just gotten out of the shower, was running late for work, and almost just let the machine get the call... but I'd been playing phone-tag with the News Director for about three days and I didn't want him to give up on me. Since I hadn't been job-hunting, I wasn't really thinking in "interview mode."

I'm already not very good at "selling myself," so when he asked me questions like, "What do you think are your strengths?" I couldn't come up with a thing.
me: "Uhhhhh... I talk pretty?"
him: What about your writing skills?
me: "Write... yeah, I can do that."

Of course, five minutes later, I could think of a million things to say. But by then, it was too little, too late.

Too Bad. I'd already thought of a couple of good new names for my blog if I moved to Toledo. "Glass City Reflections" was my favorite.

Tonight's Fortune Cookie Message:

"You will always have good luck in your personal affairs."

discuss...

A Moment Of Silence....

....For Herb Brooks, the greatest hockey coach in the history of the United States.




Most people say that Wayne Gretzky is the most important figure in American hockey history. I disagree. The 1980 "Miracle On Ice" created millions of hockey fans across the nation. You may never have seen a hockey game in your life, but Team USA's run for the gold medal was a shot in the arm for a country that really needed a boost from Cold War depression.

Sorry, Wrong Number

I've gotten some interesting reports from my web counter system recently. In addition to the usual dozen or so people who find this website looking for the "Body Dome," people have found my blog using some other pretty interesting search strings. The most unusual of late:

Google Search: WTVM Production Friend
AOL Search: Prom Dresses in Prattville, AL (twice on that one... Is it prom season already?)
Yahoo Search: Paul Kariya and Teemu Selanne Fan Fiction
and my personal favorite:
Google Search: Brett Favre hairy chest

Sorry kids. Not here.

Correction

Several days after complaining about the Bravo situation with Knology Cable, the only response I've received is: "Your complaint has been forwarded to the appropriate department." Thanks.

This morning, I conducted my daily Bravo-check. I check Channel #76 (Still the "Inspiration Network"). Then I check the TV Guide Channel and it still lists #76 as Bravo. Then I check the TV Guide Listings online. Sure enough, Bravo's still listed as #76. Finally, I decide to reprogram all the channels on my television... and there's a new channel... #60. Nothing was on Channel 60 before. I hold my breath, I switch over, and lo and behold, it's Bravo! Yahoo!!!!!

So apparently, the fine folks at Knology aren't the slimy homophobes I feared they were. Still, its infuriating when they change around the lineups without so much as a notice. I run across a lot of older people who literally live to watch television. It must be horribly confusing for them.

The Sportslady Tries a New Sport (Maybe)

When Cory was back in Missouri last week, he and his family hit a par-three golf course a couple of times. If you're not familiar with golf, a par-three course is kind of like the happy medium between real golf and putt-putt. Rather than being 400 or 500 yards to the hole, it's only about 100 yards. Well, he's been on sort of a golf kick since then.

I hopped on the internet, and found a short-course here in Columbus. Five bucks for nine holes! Cory, of course, is totally psyched to go. I can't help it, I'm kind of getting excited about it, too, but for a completely different reason. For me, it's a chance to shop for fun stuff. First on my shopping list: Cute accessories. Let's face it, accessories make the woman.

We plan to hit the course on Thursday morning. I'll let you know how much I humiliate myself (I've only golfed twice, and it was at least six years ago).

Call Me "Stretch"

So, this morning, Cory and I got up and did our "Fat-Blasting Yoga" workout. It's mostly stretching exercises, with a lot of balancing, and some low-impact aerobics thrown in to keep your heart pumping.

Egads, it's difficult! I've noticed for quite some time how inflexible I am, but I never realized how poor my balance is. I nearly tipped over several times. The amazing thing is that after half an hour, I was completely pooped out and sweating like crazy.

At first, we thought that we'd be able to do the tape every morning. Now that I've done it, I think tomorrow will have to be a day of rest. My shoulders and neck are kind of achy, and I'm sure tomorrow morning they won't feel much better.

Friends Wanted

I just peeked in Cory's email-box. I'd guess about 90% of the messages in there are from himself, with another 5% being junk mail. Wow. And I thought I had no friends. At least I don't email myself!

Let's Get Physical

I've got a small problem. I don't think I'm going to fit into the dress I'm wearing for Crackhouse Nicki's wedding. Actually, it's not that small of a problem, since the wedding's in about a month and a half. My pants have been a little too tight lately (despite my previously discussed "lanky ass"), so tonight, Cory and I bought an exercise video. I know, I know. I don't have the self-control to keep up any kind of exercise program.

That's where your job comes in. I'm putting the responsibility on you. Make sure I do this damn workout, so that I don't waste the $10 I spent on the video (not to mention the much more substantial sum I've spent on a bridesmaid dress).

Friday Five (yet again, a little late)
1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country? Well, I live right on a state border, so that's a difficult question. I drove to Andalusia, Alabama last week, but that was for work. My last non-work trip was to Michigan, but that was to my "home state" in a way, too, since that's where I grew up. I guess the answer would be either the trip to the Upper Peninsula I took with my mom (The U.P. is like being in a different state) or the trip to Cedar Point I took with my dad a few days later.
2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling? Because I used to travel all the time when I worked at Truman, I've had a lot of bizarre experiences. I don't even know where to begin. I saw Kevin Bacon in Chicago's O'Hare Airport once.
3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go? Ooooh... I'd love to go to Rome. I've never been overseas at all, and since I used to study Art History, Rome fascinates me. I hope to see the Sistine Chapel ceiling once before I die.
4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car? I prefer planes if I'm traveling alone, just because it's faster. I love the train, though I've only had the chance to take it anywhere interesting once. Most of the time, though, I drive. Books on tape can get me through even the most boring drive (Iowa and Northern Illinois come to mind).
5. What's the next place on your list to visit? I'm in a wedding in September, so Cory and I will be heading up to the Detroit area then. We may hit Cedar Point on his birthday. Nowhere too exotic, though.

A Reply to a Recent Visitor

I've received a Snide Remark to my recent post about Bravo, "Queer Eye," and closed-mindedness. Thought I should share it with everyone:

It is not closed- mindedness. People are just tired of being subjected to the disgusting habits of those who choose to live immoral and unnatural lifestyles.
P.S. If you don't like the South, there are buses, planes, trains, etc. leaving Columbus every day. I for one wouldn't mind seeing your lanky ass on one of them!

Hmmmm... Interesting. Dictionary.com defines "Closed-minded" as such:

close-mind·ed (klsmndd, klz-) or closed-mind·ed (klzd-)
adj. Intolerant of the beliefs and opinions of others; stubbornly unreceptive to new ideas.

So, perhaps calling other people's so-called "habits" disgusting, immoral and unnatural is, in fact, exactly what closed-minded people do. Whereas referring to someone as having a "lanky ass" is just plain rude and particularly Non-Christian (especially when you're an uninvited visitor to that person's personal webpage).

As for my feelings about the South, I like the South. It's a beautiful part of the country. And, in fact, I find most of the people in the South to be perfectly lovely, polite, and genteel. However, the South has developed a reputation as being bigoted and hateful because some people in this part of the country have no tolerance for people unlike them. And just when I start to think that those people are a slim majority, they come for a little visit to remind me of why the South has such a bad reputation.

The Telephone is Ringing

Several interesting messages on the answering machine tonight. Apparently, there's a person named "Mike" who owes a lot of people a lot of money, and who knows how to score crack. "Mike" has either given several people the wrong phone number (and I'd do the same, if I owed hundreds of dollars to some pretty unsavory-sounding people), or all of Mike's "associates" are completely innumerate, or Cory's been moonlighting as a crack dealer and using a pseudonym.

Come to think of it, two nights ago, somebody called offering pictures of my husband kissing another woman for $100. Maybe that third theory isn't so far-fetched, after all.

Cable Update

Knology has decided to remove Bravo from the channel lineup. Instead, the "Inspiration Network" is now Channel #76. Apparently, the Eternal Word Television Network(Ch. #77) and the Trinity Broadcast Network (Ch.#78) weren't satisfying the religious needs of shut-ins in the greater Columbus Area.

I can't help but think that the timing is a little too coincidental. Bravo produces two gay-oriented television shows, and just weeks later, it's suddenly yanked off the cable system and replaced by a religious network? Look out, Will and Grace, could NBC be next?

Movie Night, Part II

How bad are the summer movies this year?
Ummm, well, it's August 8th, and we saw trailers for two Christmas movies tonight: "Elf," and "The Cat In The Hat."

Maybe the U.S. film industry should just cash in its chips while it's still ahead.

Movie Night

"Bend it Like Beckham" finally came to Columbus this last week, so Cory and I headed out to the Peachtree 8. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. I'm too tired out to give it a full review, though I will say that it won the 2003 ESPY Award for Best Sports Movie. Hell, if ESPN gives it the seal of approval, who am I to disagree?

Oh, we saw a trailer for the sports movie I predict as next year's winner: Radio. It'll be interesting to see if Cuba Gooding Jr. can succeed in a movie where he can't get by on being cute and acting obnoxious. If you haven't guessed, I'm not really a fan. However, I am a fan of Ed Harris and Alfre Woodard, so I'll go see it.

We also saw a trailer for this movie. A Kung Fu/Soccer movie... Not exactly "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," is it?

Back to the Blog...

Our company has left town, and I can get back to blogging on a semi-regular schedule again.
A brief summary of Sandy and Brian's visit:
-Cannon Brewpub
-Civil War Naval Museum
-Coca-Cola Space Science Center
-Many drinks in Uptown Columbus
-Pine Mountain Wild Animal Safari
-Callaway Gardens

Some highlights:
-I visited two Columbus tourist attractions I've never been to.
-I started Christmas shopping (only 4 months, 18 days until Christmas).
-Cory's first trip to a butterfly house.
and finally...
-Brian was bitten just above his left nipple by a zebra.

Bigotry is Alive and Well and Living in Georgia

The letter of complaint that I just filed with my Cable provider, Knology:

Has Bravo (Ch. 76) been taken off our channel lineup? I turned on the television this evening to watch Bravo Network programming, and found a religious cable program instead.

I would be very disappointed if programming on that station was pre-empted because of bigotry or hatred. The Program that was scheduled to air at this time is a show called "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," a television show with a gay tilt.

If the program has been pre-empted simply because it is homosexually oriented, then you have committed a simply unforgivable act of censorship and closed-mindedness.

Technical Difficulties

Just posted an update on our vacationing guests. Blogger ate it. Very irritated. Will not re-post.

The Best Laid Plans

Sigh. You try to do things right, and something always comes along and f*cks them up. We have company coming in town today, my pal Sandy-bean and her Fiancee) whom I've never met. They're driving down from the Show-Me State for a four-day visit.

Company, of course, means cleaning. Particularly for us, since cleaning the apartment isn't really a high priority for either myself or for Cory. Our theory is, if something smells funny, then clean. Otherwise, you're in the clear. Lucky Cory, he's out of town, so I got to do most of the cleaning myself. Of course, it's still the July "Sweeps" ratings period, so I don't get to take time off from work to prepare for company (Or for that matter, to spend with company. More on that later).

So it's been a lot of early mornings. Get up at 9 a.m., clean, do laundry, go to work. Come home from work after midnight, clean, go to bed. Repeat.

The apartment isn't spotless. Far from it. But the first layer of filth is gone. If you don't look too closely, it looks kind of nice. So last night, I put in some very late hours at work. I left at about 2a.m., and when I got home, the phone was ringing. I knew it was Cory, so I ran to the phone from the front door, not realizing that I had stepped in some sort of poo on the way in. Nice, huh? So at 2:30 in the morning, I'm on my hands and knees cleaning up streaks of animal feces from the floor.

Sandy and Brian are scheduled to arrive at around 2pm today. Of course, since it's July sweeps, I couldn't take the day off to spend with them (I anchor on Monday nights). Since Cory won't get into town until about midnight, my plan is to drag them to work with me for a couple of hours, then take them to the South Georgia Waves game. Sandy likes baseball, though I don't know about Brian, her man. I take 'em to the ballpark with me, I shoot the game while they enjoy historic Golden Park, everyone's happy.

Except it's been pouring out for about an hour. Golden Park doesn't handle flood waters very well. I suspect the game will be rained out, so I have no clue what to do with my visitors now. Any suggestions?

Still Not Disturbed?

Try this on for size (If the link doesn't work, try again later. Apparently, a whole lot of people go to this website. Seriously, though, it's well worth the wait.).

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

I mentioned the other day that it's tax-free weekend in Georgia. Tonight, on my dinner break, I decided to take advantage of the government's little gift, and went to the mall. Honest to God, it was like Christmas shopping. There wasn't an empty parking spot in sight, and I don't mean that in the "oh, that parking space is too far to walk" kind of way. I mean there literally were no open parking spaces. I drove in circles for about 5 minutes until I finally found one, conveniently close to nothing.

Once inside, it was infuriating. People just milling around, walking slowly and generally irritating me. I can't complain too much, though. I got a new suit jacket on sale and tax-free. And, I got Bourbon Chicken from the "Cajun Cafe" in the food court. Yum.

Disturbed?

If not, click here.

Just another service I like to provide.

Prisoner In My Own Home

My hummingbird feeder is only about 6 feet from the front door of my apartment. Now, every time I leave my apartment in daylight hours, a hummingbird chirps at me angrily. Now granted, a hummingbirds tiny little "cheep" isn't exactly the most threatening sound on the planet. But those pointy little beaks could do a pretty nasty number on, say, an eyeball. So I've gotten to the point that I peek out my window for a minute before I leave. Even then, they still yell at me. What to do, what to do...

Whoops!

Is it still Friday? I missed the Friday Five by about two minutes.

1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings? Usually between 11:00 am and noon. And before you all start freaking out, let me remind you that I don't get off work until well after midnight. Sometimes I have to get up earlier (and often, much earlier) because I have to go to a press conference or an early playoff game. But on average, I'd say about 11:30 am.
2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late? By my standards, no I don't "sleep in." I work weekends, so I usually get up around the same time as on weekdays... about noon. During college football season, it's earlier, because I usually have to be at the office by noon to record a game.
3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning? Hit the snooze button repeatedly. Once I'm actually awake, I turn on the TV, especially if Cory's still asleep, to wake him up. He's a notoriously late sleeper. I usually shower first thing.
4. How long does it take to get ready for your day? Totally depends on how much time I have to get ready. I can do the low-maintenance thing in about 25 minutes. Full primping takes about an hour (including ironing clothes). But most mornings, if I have the time, I putter around for a couple hours. I'll watch Days of Our Lives and do my hair and makeup during commercial breaks.
5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast? Hmmmm. I'm not a big breakfast person, because I generally get up too late to bother. When I lived in Kirksville, we used to eat at the buffet at the Days Inn every Sunday morning. A friend of ours ran the restaurant, and we'd all meet up there for a hangover brunch.

(side note: The Days Inn link I listed shows a photo of the so-called "newly opened" Kirksville Aquatic Center. Oddly enough, the Aquatic Center opened when I was a news reporter at KTVO... four years ago. Tells you how often that page gets updated, right.)

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk

I'm very disappointed in you. Nobody has posted their results to the "What Late-Night Talk Show Host Are You?" quiz. You don't want to know how much time I spent working on it.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame...

In absence of my other half, I went to the ballgame at historic Golden Park tonight. The home team won, by some obnoxious score (16-6, maybe? I stopped counting after about the fifth inning).

Its very rare that I get to go to a ballgame and actually enjoy it. Usually I'm working, and Cory comes along to lend a hand and maybe get a free trip to the ballpark. Tonight, I went with Cory's boss, Betsy, and a friend of hers, Alexis. We had a really good time, though I think we may have annoyed the people around us with our constant chattering about non-baseball topics.

There was an older fellow sitting several rows in front of us wearing a Detroit Red Wings t-shirt and ballcap. Of course, I had to ask him if he was from Michigan. Sure enough, he was from Milford originally, not far from where I grew up. We had a nice little chat about hockey, and just before we left, he gave me a present: A Red Wings flag for my car. I told him I already had one, but he insisted I take it, saying that he had several of them. What a nice guy.

I've discovered a lot of this type of behavior while living in the South. Transplanted "yankees" stick together. One of the first friends I made down here was from Wisconsin. It was like an immediate bond, even though Eau Claire is some 600 miles from Detroit. In the context of the Mason-Dixon Line, it seemed like we grew up right next door to each other.

Pop Quiz, Hotshot!

Wow. What a colossal waste of my time. I was looking for something fun to do on the internet while I wait for Cory to call, and I visited Quizilla. I occasionally visit, try out some of the quizzes, and get infuriated by the general ineptitude of the quiz "authors" at that site. So what did I do? I created my own quiz, complete with groovy graphics. Then just for good measure, I took my own quiz to see the answer. Here goes:


You Are David Letterman!


Which Late-Night Talk Show Host Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

So there you have it. I'm David Letterman. Of course, now you all have to take the quiz and let me know the results!