Only In Florida

I haven't done one of these in a while, and it's really a shame, since this is where "crazy" and "bizarre" go to vacation and retire.

Part #1:
Death threat over new "Tickle Me Elmo Extreme" doll.

Part #2:
MILF competition (though since this is Florida, there's probably a Grand-MILF competition somewhere).

Part#3:
"Artificial Reef Made of Tires Becomes Ecological Disaster" Sounds just like someone was looking for an excuse to dump millions of pounds of tires into the ocean.

Part #4: (and my personal favorite)
STDs Running Rampant in Retirement Community.

Part #5:
Middle School Goes into Lockdown Because of Alligator.

Part #6:
Authorities search for "Naked Tickler."

Part #7:
Nudist Resort hosts "Relay For Life" activities. With, oddly enough, sponsor T-shirts.

Belated Birthday Post

As many of you already know, Thursday was Cory's birthday. Unfortunately, I had to work all day, so I didn't get a chance to leave him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY posting on my blog.

When it was Zoe's birthday, I had adorable little baby pictures to show and memories of her kittenhood to share. Unfortunately, I don't have the same for Cory. Sure, he was born on yesterday's date in 1976 at 5:06 in the afternoon. Beyond that, the best I can do is this picture.

Doesn't he look cute in saddle shoes?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CORY!

Arrrr!

Ahoy, me hearties,
Today be Talk Like a Pirate Day!

So be not a landlubber, and check out this handy list of pirate phrases you can use today.

Now go quaff a tankard of grog!

In Stitches

I know you've all been anxiously awaiting the results of my surgery. Monday, my stitches came out... and it doesn't look as bad as I'd anticipated. Of course, it doesn't look as good as I'd hoped, either.

For the last week, I've been walking around with a big bandage on my face. I found some large transparent and flesh colored ones-- which weren't noticeable if you were looking at me from a distance. Or if I kept the right side of my face turned away from you. I went on-air like that for one night, but made sure that they used very wide shots so my giant band-aid wouldn't be visible.

No, I didn't need to wear the bandage. The doctor told me it didn't really matter, as long as I kept my incision clean. But I knew that nobody really wanted to see the gash and eight big black stitches up the side of my cheek. I wore the bandage as a public service.

Now that my stitches are out, I'm bandage-free. Essentially, it looks like I have a big angry scratch on the side of my face... like I walked sideways into a sheet of metal... Or a rather large cat with only one claw took a swipe at me.

Under the Knife

Remember that "atypical" mole I had? Today I had to have it removed. But, of course, they can't just remove the mole. Oh, no. That mole the size of a pencil eraser has turned into a 1 1/2 inch-long incision with eight stitches. Which wouldn't be bad, if it weren't on my face. Needless to say, we won't be having our engagement picture taken any time soon.

It's been about nine hours since my surgery, and the novocane has finally completely worn off.... which is good, because half of my face was numb and every time I tried to take a sip of soda, it dribbled down my chin. That'll knock your cool factor down by a few notches.

I was kind of bummed out because Cory was supposed to get off work early today... and almost an hour after I expected him to come home, he still hadn't called. But, as I discovered, that's because he went to the store to buy me some flowers (pretty pink roses with some white mums) and a get-well card. What a sweetie.

A Visit from Aunt Flo

In the last few hours, Tropical Depression #6 turned into Tropical Storm Florence.

I'm trying not to freak out much. This one looks like it'll head northeastish of here-- like maybe to the Carolinas. Hear that, McKinney? I know how much you love the tropical activity, so we're sending another one your way. Enjoy!

I have to admit, I wouldn't mind a minor hurricane coming our way. When that happens, we go to work for 24-hour shifts... and I could really use the overtime. A handful of Category One hurricanes, and we might be able to put a downpayment on a house.

Friday Night Lights

Last night at work, I was browsing YouTube for some video that a friend of mine posted... and I found something kind of interesting instead. Apparently, a football player at one of our local high schools is trying to drum up some interest from college recruiters. So, someone recorded a highlight from our Friday night sportscast (We call it the "Frenzy") and uploaded it to YouTube.

So, if you're curious how I spend my Friday evenings during football season, here's a very brief snippet.

By the way, something kind of funny happened on Friday. See, our new sports guy, Randy, started last week. He's a nice kid. On Friday, we sent him out to shoot three games. He returned to the station with a big butterfly bandage covering a split upper lip.

Apparently, Randy got a little too close to the action. It's a common problem while shooting football. You're standing on the sideline, holding your 20-pound camera, shooting the action on the field when suddenly, everyone starts running in your direction. And a player crashes into you. And you go crashing to the ground courtesy of a high school, college, or pro linebacker.

That's what happened to Randy. He came face-to-lip with a helmet, and now has four stitches in his face, which hopefully will be removed before he has to anchor on Saturday.

But the best part is that one of the sports guys at the ABC affiliate here in town caught it on video. He emailed the video to me yesterday. No, unfortunately, you don't see the collision. But you do see poor Randy falling ass-over-teakettle to the ground, tangled in with the kicker's practice net.

But here's the best part... as he awkwardly plummeted to the Earth, Randy realized that he was on camera. And he smiled and gave the "thumbs up." The kid's got a great sense of humor.

Dullard

Lookin over my blog for the last few months I've made an important realization.

I'm really boring.

I don't think I was always this way... back when Cory and I were in Georgia, I was more interesting. But I think I was interesting because I was miserable. There was never a shortage of stuff to complain about-- never a shortage of crazy redneck stories to tell you-- never a day without some kind of wacky incident at work to bitch about.

But now that we're in Florida, I've become complacent. Yeah, sometimes my job sucks. But most of the time, it's pretty good. Yeah, our apartment's a dump, but we're never here. Oh, and yeah, there's a lot of old people here. But most of them are very sweet... and once you get used to driving slowly, it's not too bad.

So, when I'm miserable... I'm more interesting. When I'm happy... I'm boring. I guess that makes sense.

Yeah, interesting things have happened since we moved here. But usually they happen while I'm at work, and I'm being careful to keep this blog semi-private. That means no blogging from the desk. And by the time I get home from work, I've lost the will to tell you about it.

Anyway, I'm going to try a little harder to write more often. And maybe something horrible will happen and I'll feel compelled to share it with you. One can only hope.

Late Night Road Trip

Crud. I'm sitting here, surfing the web, and preparing to write a way cool post (complete with a link to some video I shot last week)... when I suddenly realize that Tuesday is September 5th. That means our rent is past due. And if I don't drive to the other end of town and drop off my rent before their office opens, I'll owe something like $25 in late charges. Did I mention that it's 1:55 in the morning and I'm in my robe and slippers?

I wish I could pay the rent online like I do with all our other bills. Then I'd never have to buy stamps, write checks, or go on late-night road trips to drop off the rent.

Lazy? You betcha.

Sad News

Cory's out of town for the next few days because his grandfather passed away this weekend. I feel so badly for his family. They're such a big family and such a close-knit group... nearly all of them live just a few miles apart. In fact, it seems like Cory's mom and her sisters talk nearly every day.

Just a couple of months ago, Cory's aunt Sheryl passed away after a brief battle with cancer, and it was just heartbreaking. Being an only child, I can only imagine what it's like to lose a sibling. It must be like losing a part of yourself. And now, the same family is mourning the loss of their patriarch.

I guess the blessing in all of this is that-- because they're such a close family-- they have each other to lean on during times like this. I'm sure the heartbreak will bring them even closer together. Still, it's just so saddening. My heart goes out to them.