Best Mugshot Ever

Need I say more?

Two Pats on the Back

Really quickly... I need to give Cory a big pat on the back (or a tip of the hat, if you prefer), for winning a "major award!"

This weekend, Cory's website won the Florida Associated Press award for Best Television News website. Nice, huh? It's the second year in a row that they've won. Cory busts his butt trying to keep up with the Joneses (the station he beat has three full-time web coordinators), and it's about time he got rewarded. He even got a fancy-schmancy trophy!

Second, our little twitter experiment, the Florida Freakshow, has 250 followers and is growing every day. If you'd like to experience a little Florida Freakitude, visit us and see what you're missing by living outside the Sunshine State.

Tweedle-Dee

So, if you're a regular reader of this blog (and you actually still come here on occasion? You must be a better friend than I thought!), you've undoubtedly noticed something new above. Yep. There. Just above my most recent post.

As the social-media know-it-all at work, I realized I spend way too much time updating MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter pages. And not nearly enough time on this blog.

I've already synced-up my twitter page with my facebook profile, so I figured it couldn't be too hard to do the same to my blog. And since Cory's an even bigger web-nerd than I am, he figured out how to do it. So I looked up the code and did the same.

I update my Twitter page fairly regularly... typing up weird little micro-posts and sending pictures from my phone. So even if I haven't posted to the blog recently, you'll get my 4 most recent "tweets" by checking in. And if you click "follow me on twitter," you'll see all of my recent tweets.

And by the way, thanks for sticking around. I keep promising that I'll post more this year than last... maybe my tweets will help me to fulfill that goal!

Keeping it Brief...

Okay... so we're all breathing a sigh of relief about Ike. At least here, we are. In Cuba, they're probably crapping their pants. And Haiti? I work with a couple of Haitians who rarely hear from their family in the first place-- and with the constant flow of hurricanes barraging that country, they haven't heard a thing in ages.

So, two things-- if you're as obsessed with weather watching as I am (well, really just "hurricane watching), check this site out:
www.stormpulse.com
The graphics are awesome. My dad sent me the link after I made last week's post, and I'm totally hooked.

Second, if you haven't seen this website yet, this is really cool:
photosynth.net
You need to download the software (which apparently eats up your graphics system) to actually use photosynth-- and I don't need it that much-- but just watch the demo on the homepage for a few minutes. So very cool.

How to Waste Time: a primer

1) You Have to Burn the Rope (the theme song is fantastic)
2) Dance, Dance, Dance (I heart dancing vikings)

You're welcome.

So Far... So Good

Ok... so I've survived two whole days at the new job without screwing up anything major. Pretty impressive, huh?

Of course, the majority of my first 16 hours on the job have been spent:
1) Filling out forms.
2) Waiting for I.T. to get my login to work.
3) Filling out forms.
4) Meeting people whose names I'll never remember.
5) Filling out forms.

Tomorrow, I get the best job ever-- writing the press release announcing the hiring of the new Director of Public Relations. That's right... I get to write a press release about myself.

While I certainly have been busy filling out forms, I haven't been nearly as busy as the person who created this.

Doggone it, people like me!

Remember Stuart Smalley? Al Franken's cardigan-wearing "Daily Affirmations" character on Saturday Night Live?

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

Daily affirmations don't sound like such a bad idea, right? There are probably a lot of people out there that think it's hogwash, but what can it hurt, right?

I will get a high-paying, fulfilling new job with a short commute...
I will get a high-paying, fulfilling new job with a short commute...
I will get a high-paying, fulfilling new job with a short commute...

I feel better already.

But how about this? I don't even have to say it over and over. My computer can do it for me subliminally!

Get this, there's software you can install on your computer that flashes positive subliminal messages on the screen while you work. In essence, you reprogram your computer to reprogram your thoughts.

So, while you're surfing the web, working on your resume... probably even while you're watching some really unsavory internet p0rn, you can quit smoking. Or maybe become more self-confident. Or maybe you could even break yourself of that nasty internet p0rn habit. You can check out the details at http://www.subliminal-power.com/.

But in the meantime:

I will get a high-paying, fulfilling new job with a short commute...
I will get a high-paying, fulfilling new job with a short commute...
I will get a high-paying, fulfilling new job with a short commute...

Stuart Smalley would be so proud of me.

Merry Christmas!

For a while, I thought that Cory and I should go to the beach and take our pictures wearing Santa hats-- then post the photo on this site for you all to see.

Then, I thought maybe I could use our new webcam (more on that later) to post a Christmas video from the two of us (three, if Zoe is feeling cooperative).

Finally, I came to the realization that you don't need to see us. You need to see something much, much cuter. If these little furballs don't warm the cockles of your heart, then you may want to go get your cockles x-rayed-- because there's something wrong with you.



Really, aside from otters holding hands, is anything in the world cuter than baby pandas wrestling?

Happy Humpday!

To most people, "humpday" is Wednesday-- the day that signifies you're "over the hump" as far as the work-week goes.

The other day, I was talking with my dad, and he called the winter solstice "humpday." It makes sense... you're halfway through the dreary part of the year, and every day from now until late June, we'll get a little more sunlight every day. The solstice arrived nearly 24 hours ago-- meaning the sun will be a little higher in the sky tomorrow... and the next day... and the next... until pretty soon, it's summer again.

Anyway, all of this is just a lead-up to Saturday's NASA Astronomy Picture of the Day, a cool composite photo from the 2005 winter solstice. And if you have a little time, go back and check out some of the NASA APODs from earlier this year. There's some pretty awesome stuff.

Hostess with the Mostess

So-- now that I'm just a little more than a week away from the unemployment line-- it's time to start thinking about what I'm going to do with all the free time that I anticipate having in the near future. After all, there are only so many job-search websites out there, and I'm getting to be a pro at scouring them all in under two hours.

My plan? Dream up a million-dollar website. A lofty goal, I know... but a girl's gotta dream, right?

I already have my website domain name registered (and no, I'm not going to tell you what it is. I can't have you stealing my ideas!). Now, I just need to design everything, and find a host for my site.

Well, guess what? Just like there are job-search websites (and believe me, there are a lot of them) and travel-search websites, there's also a site where you can search for your ideal web host... and it's an easy address to remember: http://www.webhostingchoice.com

You type in your requirements (how much memory you need, and how much you're willing to pay per month), and it suggests one of 40 different web hosting services (Though in my searching, I've discovered that it seems to always recommend HostGator.)

"Web Hosting Choice" also has customer reviews of hosting providers and plans, and a little quick startup guide for dummies like me that really aren't sure what the heck they're doing.

Okay, so even with their help, I'm probably not going to make a million dollars. Hell, I've had this site for nearly five years and I've only earned about $150.00. But like I said, a girl can dream, right?

Activism in the Buff

Like naked ladies? Want to be more socially concious or politically active-- without all the fuss? Then check this out:

The Lovely Mistresses of George W. Bush 2008 pin-up calendar.

Some of his "mistresses" include: his press correspondent, "Miss Represenation;" Katrina Reconstructionist, "Miss Appropriation;" and the beauty queen, "Hal E. Burton."

As they say on their website, "It's your duty as a good citizen to stare."

Yet another million-dollar idea I didn't think of. Oh well. I don't have the body to pull this one off, anyway.

Happy Thanksgiving

And now... by special request:

The Thanksgiving Song

An Interesting Tidbit...

About my birthday (which will be here in one month and eight days)...
130,389 People Click here to get your own death report... It also tells you who died on your birthday (any year... not just your birth year. The most interesting person on there was Lester B. Pearson, who won a Nobel Prize... but I know him for having an NHL award named after him.

And yet another interesting tidbit... when it's time for me to kick the bucket, Cory could spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on a funeral for me-- or he could just cash me in and pocket the profits:
$3265.00
The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth. Granted, it wouldn't help him to make too many mortgage payments... but it might keep Cory and Zoe off the streets for a few months. I'd hate to see them living in a refrigerator box on the beach.
So, how much are you worth?

Furry Friends

I've been informed that not everyone knows what a "furry" is. Rather than trying to explain it, I'll just let you watch and learn.

(I should add, at this point, that while I do have a mild fascination with mascots, I don't think I quite qualify for "furry fandom." I just like to watch them dance at sporting events. And ice skate. I love an ice skating mascot)

By the way, why couldn't Cory and I have come up with this idea for a documentary? Every now and then, we'll come up with what we think is a great idea (like a documentary about Bingo), only to have our hopes dashed by the discovery that it's been done before. One of these days, though... we'll come up with our million-dollar idea.

On the Dark Side

A couple of nights ago, our friend Jason (who occasionally prefers that we call him "Dan Handsome") was all in a tizzy about a book he saw at Barnes and Noble. Apparently, it was a book about fetishes, and being the least intimidated person I've ever met in my life, he was reading the book openly in the store.

Apparently, it had some pretty interesting pictures, one of which amused/disturbed him so much that he had to tell me all about it. I say "amused/disturbed" because for Mr. Handsome, it seems the two are often one and the same. For example, he loves that guy "Mystery" on MTV's show "The Pick-Up Artist." Get the picture.

He described the photo in stunning detail-- I'm really couldn't do it justice if I tried to replicate his description. Just imagine the type of photo you might see in a book about Fetishes. Throw in a little nudity, and few cylindrical props, and your imagination has probably done all the work for me.

Now, I need to explain Jason. When he sees things that amuse/disturb him, he gets all worked up into a tizzy. He'll talk about it for days unless you nip it in the bud immediately. So here's all I said:

"I'm just glad they found each other."

And honestly, that's true. I mean, it's hard enough to find someone you love in this world when you're a fairly "normal" person. But what if you're goth? Or a vampire? Or if you're a "furry?"

Well, I still don't know how the "furries" do it, but as far as the Goth/Vampire/Alternative/Fetish crowd goes, you'd better believe there's a website out there just for Goth singles. Why wouldn't there be?

Darkyria.com calls itself a "friendship and matching coven," but behind all the draped red velvet and heavy black eyeliner, it seems a lot like any other online dating site. Members can upload photos and “Send a Wink” if they see someone that they're interested in. There's even a "Dark Cupid" that can help match up Darkyria members. The website also has a World Map Seeker, so I guess if a member wanted to find a vampire in Pennsylvania instead of one in Transylvania, this would be the place find him!

And it's not just for "goths," but for the whole horror/sci-fi/fantasy/alternative/extreme music crowd. So if you're the only single vampire in Novinger, Missouri, there's somewhere for you to go!

I love the internet. There's a place for everyone!

This post brought to you by: Darkyria.com

My New Favorite Website

I'm not sure if it's the catchy title... or the fact that it completely delivers on the title's promise:

Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

Just fantastic. I never realized how much Warren Beatty looked like Billie Jean King.

Why can't I come up with a million-dollar website idea like that? It's nearly as brilliant as "Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers."

What A Coinkydink....

It's currently 54 degrees here in the Cape-- balmy by some of my northern readers' standards... but pretty chilly for us here in the Sunshine State. So my weather pixie is all bundled up (if you haven't seen her, she's in the left column, about halfway down the page. As I write this, she's wearing an argyle sweater.

Here's the coincidence... yesterday, I was wearing an argyle sweater ($4.26 on clearance at Target).

I think my weather pixie is spying on me.

"Breathtaking"

When I worked at Foland's, we sold a lot of "art." I use quotation marks because the artistic value of many of these items was questionable, at best. But people must have liked it, because they bought it. And a lot of it wasn't cheap.

In addition to large, shimmery, pastel abstracts on canvas, we also had a few framed posters. One of them was obviously designed for a baby's room. It was a photo of about 10 babies, all lined up in a row.

Cute, right?

In theory, yes. Except these weren't Anne Geddes babies, dressed up in cute little outfits to make them look like bumblebees or peapods. Every damn baby in the picture was ugly.

Now, don't even start with that "all babies are beautiful" crap, because I don't buy it. I've seen ugly babies. Granted, I have no maternal instinct beyond my feelings for Zoe, but there are some ugly babies out there. We've all seen 2-month-olds that look like 80-year-old men. we've all seen cross-eyed kids with blotchy skin and crazy tufts of hair. And yet, everyone who saw the picture would say "Awww! That's so cute!"

I know cute. Kissing pandas are cute. Otters holding hands are cute. And some babies are cute. Definitely not all babies.

Today, I discovered that I'm not the only one who thinks that some babies are ugly. In fact, these people celebrate it!

Going Kooky for the Dooky...

(note: I've been planning to post this since Friday, since a peculiar press release showed up at work, but I was afraid of being accused of promoting drug use. This post has been sitting in my "Drafts" folder for three days now! Now that the story has shown up on The Smoking Gun and on Breitbart, I think I'm pretty safe in telling the world)

One of the many reasons I love working in the news business: Bizarre memos showing up at work.

Last night, we got a doozy from one of our local Sheriff's departments. Apparently, the new "cool" drug for middle-school and high-school kids-- is raw sewage fumes (Called "Jenkem'). Seriously.

Apparently, you make Jenkem the same way you make sun tea. Except instead of tea, lemons, and water... you use feces and urine. So, parents, if you see a sun tea jar in your yard, you might want to investigate a little more closely.

The press release itself is almost as funny as the alleged drug use is disgusting. My favorite excerpt:

"All subjects who used the Jenkem disliked the taste of sewage in their mouth and the fact that the taste continued for several days."

I also enjoyed the common street names associated with Jenkem, which include "Butthash" and "Winnie" (as in Winnie-the-Pooh. Poor A.A. Milne must be spinning in his grave. First, his sweet books and characters get Disney-fied... and now this).

By the way, as much as I'd love to take credit for the title of this post-- I can't. My co-worker Randy came up with it.

Panda Porn

I saw this on the news last week-- and it's just about the cutest thing I've ever seen (nothing... I repeat... nothing is as cute as the otters holding hands. But this is a close second):

Raw Video: Panda pair kisses everyday

These red pandas in Japan are baffling their zookeepers. They kiss for at least an hour every day.

A warning, though. If you watch it for too long, you might start to feel a little bit dirty.

(P.s. Back to the otters- one of the famed "Otters Holding Hands" nearly died after the Exxon Valdez oil spill. She was rescued and sent to the Vancouver Zoo, where she is now an internet celebrity.)