Well, I Was a Professor Once


You are Professor X!

You are a very effective teacher, and you are very
committed to those who learn from you. You put
your all into everything you do, to some extent
because you fear failure more than anything
else. You are always seeking self-improvement,
even in areas where there is nothing you can do
to improve.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, I didn't see X2, but I do have a fondness for Patrick Stewart, so I'm ok with Professor X, I guess.

Biscuits Backlash

Apparently, the new minor league baseball team in Montgomery hasn't exactly been getting rave reviews for it's new nickname (See yesterday's post).

On the Associated Press wire today:
(Montgomery-AP) -- The nickname of the new Class Double-A baseball team in Montgomery, the Biscuits, isn't going down too well with many fans.
A Montgomery Advertiser fan reaction poll got more than 60 responses. Only two said they liked the name.
Many critics lamented future newspaper headlines to come. They might include: 'Barons Bake Biscuits' or 'Biscuits rise to challenge.'
Montgomery Mayor Bobby Bright tried to put a positive spin on it. He says he's never seen Montgomery people talking and laughing so much.
The team owners, Tom Dickson and Sherrie Myers, picked the name after receiving more than 28-hundred entries to a name-the-team contest.
Poll respondents were begging for a new name. Darryl Gates, of Titus, said he -- quote "can't stand the name Biscuits."
The Advertiser also criticized the name in an editorial.
Despite the chilly response, the owners have said they will not change the name. And it has gotten one endorsement -- from Southern League President Don Mincher. He says he approves of the logo -- featuring a biscuit with a pad of butter for a tongue and baseball cleats is clever and looks good to him.

As one of my co-workers said today, "It looks like the biscuits are in a bit of a jam." (groan...)

Disco Rules

The other day, I was trying to remember who all the Village People were. Let's see... there was the cop, the Native American, the construction worker, and the squirrel.

Throw Some Shrimp on the Barbie, Eh?

We've gone international, kids. Tonight, we had our first two international visitors... one from Austrailia and one from Canada. Now, I've never been to the land "Down Under," but I've spent enough time in the Great White North to more than make up for it (especially when I was between the ages of 19 and 21).

Signs That I'm Getting Old

Remember the episode of "Seinfeld" when Jerry's secret gets out? (Ok, that's like saying "Remember the episode of Three's Company when there was a big misunderstanding?").

Anyway, I'm talking about "The Sponge," the episode where George reveals that Jerry changes the label on all his pairs of jeans to make people think he wears a 31 instead of a 33 waist. Today, I realized, I'm turning into Jerry.

See, my pants size varies depending on brand name, style, etc. If I try on a pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans (not that I can afford them), I have to try on a pair of size 12, and even then, I have to suck it all in to zip them up. But if I try on a pair of jeans at Lerner, I can wear a size 6 and have wiggle room to spare.

Needless to say, I buy all my jeans at Lerner now, just so I can feel better about myself. Shallow? You betcha. I should add that in high school, I wore a size 6, and I weighed at least 20 pounds less than I do now.

Who Are the Ad Wizards...

...that came up with this one?
Actually, it wasn't an ad wizard... somebody actually won a freakin' contest to name Montgomery, Alabama's newest minor league baseball team, and the winning entry was... the Montgomery Biscuits.
Quotes from the actual press release:

The primary logo, containing an animated biscuit character who has a pad of butter for a tongue and wears baseball cleats, is known as "Monty," and can be viewed at the team's official website.
Choosing the team's name is such a monumental part of bringing baseball to a city... When Sherrie and I first heard the name Biscuits, we fell in love with it. I can almost smell the Biscuits baking at the new ballpark!

There are teams out there with stupid mascots (the Anaheim Mighty Ducks come to mind), but this one takes the... um... cake?

Movin' On Up...

I found a pretty sweet apartment building. Maybe I should move in.

Stupid, Stupid Computers.

Despite my apparent understanding of all things computer (this blog is my only evidence of that), I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. Case in point: My blog isn't loading when I try to view it. I don't know if it's doing this to anyone else, or if it's some kind of quirk specific to me, so I'll continue to write. But, damn it, I hope y'all can read this!

New And Improved (Pt.II)

Just checked Cory's blog. Apparently the novelty has worn off. He hasn't posted anything since changing the layout. Still, pop in and leave a comment (or a poseur, for that matter). Who cares if you don't know him... just make the poor kid think somebody likes him.

For that matter, leave a comment here. My blog's getting lonely.

A Little off the Top, Please

I'm getting up early on Memorial Day, not because I'm heading off on some holiday day-trip. On the contrary, I'm working all day. Instead, I'm getting up early to cut Cory's hair.

I've been Cory's "stylist" since long before we started dating. We used to hang out, and I'm not sure what started it, but he found out that I highlighted my own hair, and asked if I would do his. Rich used to joke around that Cory got a cheap thrill when I played with his hair. To this day, Cory swears his intentions were pure.

Once Cory and I started dating, he was in this "I'm not going to cut my hair, I'm going to be a rebel and grow my hair out" phase. To be quite honest, it looked awful. Eventually, I persuaded him to let me cut it, so we trotted off to Wal-Mart and bought a pair of clippers. I've been cutting his hair since then, and to toot my own horn, I've gotten pretty damn good at it. We even went to Sally Beauty Supply (one of my favorite stores) and bought this very styling cape for him to wear when I do it. Well, actually, his is blue.

The only problem is, Cory's a total pain in the ass when I cut his hair. He's as squirmy as an 8-year-old, and he gets all fidgety and starts yawning. It makes cutting his hair really difficult and time consuming. I keep telling him that he'll have to go to a barber and (gasp!) pay to get it done... but he never does. Eventually, his hair starts looking so horrible that I'm forced to cut it for him again. It's like he goes on a some kind of a bad hair strike.

That's what happened again. He's standing up in his cousin Gavin's wedding in two weeks, and he'll go looking like complete hell unless I do something about it. Seriously, what would he do without me?

Customers Suck

Ok, we've all worked in the service industry at some point in our lives, right? I've worked in retail (Foland's and Hudson's, to name a few), food service (McDonald's, Big Boy, Pizza King), and guest services (The Palace of Auburn Hills), and I know the number one rule of working the service industry: The Customer is Always an Idiot.

New And Improved

Cory was up until 6:30 in the morning working on re-doing his blog layout. Please visit it... I'd feel bad if he stayed up that late for no reason. He swears now that he likes the layout more, he'll blog more. We'll see.

Briefly Well-Rested

Ahhhhhh... I finally feel like a normal human being again. After working what feels like the last fifty days, I finally got all day Thursday off. Of course, I had to return to work bright and early on Friday, so I had to get to bed early on Thursday night. Friday, I got home from work, crawled immediately into bed, and watched TV until it was about Midnight. I finally felt normal this morning when I got up. Unfortunately, it won't last. Dave's on vacation all next week, so I have to work a seven-day week (after a six-day week this week). It's not the ten straight days that's so tiring, it's that I have to do the work of two people every one of those days. I'm going to be wiped out when it's all over.

On the positive side, I get a week off after my marathon. Cory and I are going to his cousin's wedding in Moberly, Missouri (also the home town of our pal Sandy). It'll be interesting. Cory's an usher, so he gets to wear a tux.

I've only seen Cory "dressed up" twice (and I use the phrase generously) in the 4+ years I've known him. Once, we went to a wedding, and I coerced him into wearing a tie. He's only worn a tie one other time around me, and that was when he interviewed for the job here in Columbus.

Of course, I don't know what I'm going to wear. Any suggestions?

Arrrrrrrr!

This entry is dedicated to my pal Sandy-bean. Hey, Pal, I can't wait for September 19th!

And as much as I enjoy talking like a pirate, matey... I'm a little disturbed by some of the pirate traditions. For example, this book provides a whole new meaning to the term "Pirate's Booty."

Mission Accomplished

Last week, I was telling my tale of woe about never seeing a living armadillo. I made it a personal goal to see one before I left the Peach State.

Well, Sunday Night, as I was driving down Airport Thruway on my way home from work, I saw one! Alive! (Though probably not for long, since he was walking very slowly across the road, and I nearly hit him). To be honest, it was the highlight of my week until I got to work on Tuesday and realized that payday had snuck up on me. Honestly, is there a better feeling that discovering that it's payday?

Back in the Saddle

After a four-day hiatus, I'm back in the blogging saddle, kids. The last few days have SUCKED.

Sunday, I went in early and stayed late because of the special. Then Monday, I had to be at the golf course at 10am, to shoot interviews and video for our special. Then I had to anchor the 6pm news and the 11pm news. So that's a 14-hour day. Then Tuesday, I had to be at the golf course at 8:30am, shoot video and interviews all day (lugging around 40 lbs of equipment the whole time), then go back to the station and write and edit all the stories that we shot on Monday and Tuesday. That's a 16-hour day, in case you're keeping track (I did manage to sneak home for a 2-hour nap). Wednesday, I had to be back at the golf course by 9:45am to shoot all the "look-live" elements of the special. The original plan was to do the whole thing live, but we were supposed to get some freak thunderstorms that night, so we taped it and edited the whole thing together. The problem is, doing it taped is about 1,000 times more of a pain in the ass than doing it live. So then, I had to run back to the station, help them put together the finished product, then go shoot a baseball game (State QuarterFinals), then go shoot a soccer game (State SemiFinals). By the time I left the station, it was 7pm. So there's a full day, too.

Today and tomorrow are my "days off." Only problem is, I don't get tomorrow off, because the golf tournament starts tomorrow. So I'll be back on the links at 9am again.

The good things are:
1. The Columbus Southern Open is a Champion's Tour event (Otherwise known as the Senior Tour). That means no golf on Thursday. Back when we hosted the Buick Challenge, I didn't get a single day off that week, because the day after we wrapped the special, the tournament would start, so there was no down-time.
2. The "seniors" are a lot more fun to talk to. They're more relaxed, they're having a good time. Just don't ask them about Annika. They want to keep as far away from that topic as possible.
3. This year's tournament is at Green Island Country Club, a mere 10 minutes from my apartment. The Buick Challenge was at Callaway Gardens, which is a 45-minute drive. Last year, I was leaving my apartment at 7am to get there in time.
4. Free food when I cover golf tournaments. Most sporting events give you free food, but at a golf tournament, you actually have enough free time to eat it. And even if it's a cheeseburger, the food at a country club always beats the food at a ballpark.

Too bad I don't like golf.

Actually, I've been watching the Colonial today, just to see how Annika is doing, and so far, she's kicking ass. As I'm writing this, she's just two strokes off the lead, and could easily be in the lead, but she's left almost every birdie putt about six inches short.

One of my co-anchors was driving me nuts the other day. I did a 30-second piece on Annika, since it's the biggest sports story this side of Funny Cide. Anyway, during the commercial break, she was saying "I don't see why that woman has to go and do that. She's won enough tournaments, why's she gotta stir up all that trouble by playing with the men?"

What I wanted to say (but didn't) was that Annika could probably make more money taking 30th place on a men's tour event than she would winning an LPGA event. Or maybe that she's sick of people saying that she's the world's best golfer... that doesn't have a penis. Or maybe, God Forbid, she wants to learn something from the experience and improve herself.

But I digress.

By the way, since I wrote that Annika was "kicking ass," she's bogeyed a hole. Still, she ain't doing bad.

Sorry, Kids...

No Blogging until Wednesday Night. We're doing a live special from the Columbus Southern Open, and I'm the only person that seems to be capable of doing any work on it. It's a huge undertaking, especially when I still need to do my usual sportslady duties at work.

In the meantime, enjoy the Weiner Dogs and the emotionally disturbing home furnishings.

Bend It Like Beckham

Has anyone seen the trailer for this movie yet (or better yet, seen the actual film)? I saw a trailer for it on TV today, and it looks hysterical.

Life in the Big City

A lot of folks I talk to are under the (mistaken) impression that Columbus is some little hick town in Georgia. Far from it. Columbus is the second-largest city in Georgia. For those of you in Michigan, its kind of like Pontiac or Flint, only without the close proximity to a major city. Atlanta is about 1 1/2 hours away, so Columbus is very self-contained. But it has many of the same problems as both of those cities.

Columbus' geography is interesting. See, there are no suburbs to Columbus, because the City shares a consolidated government with Muscogee County, so if you're in the county, you're in Columbus. But there are very distinct sections to the city. I live in the north part of Columbus, also known as the "nice" part of town. South Columbus is the older part of town, and more notably, the side of town close to Fort Benning, so there's a lot of strip clubs, tattoo parlors and pawn shops. It's also the "black" side of town and the "poor" side of town.

Now, that's not to say that the north side doesn't have it's problems. On Thursday, just about two miles from our apartment, two people were gunned down as they were pumping gas at noon on one of the busiest roads in the city (Veteran's Parkway is kind of like our Woodward or Telegraph, if you're from Metro Detroit). People I saw at the baseball game last night were telling me they drove past on their lunch hour and saw the bodies just lying there next to the gas pumps. Last year, there were two murders within a quarter-mile of our old apartment. One was a shooting at the Waffle House on the corner (and if you've ever been in the South, you know there's a Waffle House on every corner), the other occurred when two bouncers at a bar in a strip mall beat a patron to death. Nice, huh?

Flooding With... Nothing

The plan for today was to post some pictures I took of last week's Chattahoochee River flood, but when I went to Sam's Club today to get my photos, they weren't developed yet. So you'll have to wait a few more days. I know, you're crushed. Try to go on with your life anyway.

Speaking with Forked Tongue

Was anyone even aware that this trend existed? Yuck, yuck, yuck!

Danke Schoen

If I lived with Wayne Newton, I'd probably try to escape, too.

On The Other Hand....

I found out tonight that I've won a "Gabby." Well, actually, I was only a small part of it. Dave and I produced/hosted/shot/wrote/edited a special called "The Hundred Years' War," previewing the Auburn/Georgia football game. Three other reporters and our former executive producer worked on it, as well. The Georgia Associated Press wasn't impressed with it, but apparently it was good enough for the Georgia Association of Broadcasters. So they're not as choosy. But I ain't complaining.... it's another line on my resume.

My Glamourous TV Job

So I might have Thursday off, and I might not have Thursday off. Guess when I find out?

2pm Thursday.

Seriously. If Glenwood High School wins a baseball game on Thursday at noon, then I have to shoot their evening game, because it'll be for the state championship. It wouldn't be such a big deal, but they're playing in Selma, Alabama, which is about a 2 1/2 hour drive. So, if they win, at 2pm I have to rush to the station, pack up my equipment, then haul ass to Selma to shoot a 5pm championship game. Oh, and if they win, then they have to play another game, because it's a double-elimination tournament and they're coming out of the losers' bracket.

So, yeah. And then again, maybe at 2pm, I'll find out they're not playing for the championship, and I'll have wasted half of my day getting ready for work. Cool, huh?

Movie Night

Cory and I just watched Pollock. Pretty good, a little depressing. At one point, I asked Cory, "Uhhh, so when do we get to the part when he starts painting the bird poop?" (Mind you, I was being facetious. I minored in Art History, after all.)

Marcia Gay Harden won an Oscar for her portrayal of Lee Krasner, Jackson Pollack's wife who essential put her art career on hold to support him. She did a great job, but I find it hard to believe that in the 13-year time span of the movie, she never found a better haircut than this! You'd think that her bangs would have at least grown out in thirteen years.

A Kinder, Gentler Deity

He's internet savvy.
He promotes cleanliness of the body and soul.
And He looks groovy in a tutu.

Hold Your Resume

Apparently, the Klingon Interpreter job is only an on-call position. So hold your resume for now.

Feeling Corny

I'm sitting here at the computer, eating ACTII Kettle Corn. It's not as good as the real thing, or eating it in some white trash tourist attraction, but ACT II does have a website where you can win free popcorn. Cory made fun of me when he saw that I was at the popcorn website, but when I got a coupon for free popcorn, he stopped mocking. So there.

Ingrate

For the seventh straight year, nothing from Zoe for Mother's Day. What a little bitch.

There is Hope

I knew all those years watching Star Trek: The Next Generation would come in handy. In fact, it's opening doors for me I never would have imagined.

Can I get an "Amen?"

Fellow E-Communicators, I beg of you: Be judicious in your use of the acronym "LOL!"

Here's a simple test to determine if your use of "LOL" is appropriate: Whenever you type "LOL," think to yourself, "Am I literally Laughing Out Loud as I write this?" if not, then don't use it! If you write something marginally amusing, or you're smiling at the remark you just wrote, then you are NOT "Laughing Out Loud." Use a freakin' smiley.

Some of the things people use LOL for aren't even amusing. They're just stupid. Things like "You're so silly... LOL!" What kind of person would laugh out loud at the comment "You're so silly?" If you're laughing out loud at that, then you're either clinically insane or highly medicated.

Thanks for allowing me to climb onto my soapbox. Please, for the sake of my sanity, use "LOL" sparingly. It's all I ask.

Let's Go Wild!!!

I feel the need to reiterate my fondness for the Minnesota Wild. Not only did they beat the truly evil Colorado Avalanche in the opening round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, last night, they beat the not-quite-but-almost-as-evil Todd Bertuzzi and the Vancouver Canucks tonight.

Side note: Doesn't "Todd Bertuzzi" sound like the name of some total prick from high school? It doesn't really matter what high school you went to... he just sounds like an asswipe!

It's been exactly a decade since the Minnesota North Stars were rudely moved to Dallas... Don't the people of Minnesota deserve a good hockey year? The Golden Gophers won the NCAA Frozen Four this year, so they might as well go for the sweep!

Oh, and did I mention that the Wild will be playing the I-can't-believe-they-eliminated-both-the-Wings-and-the-Stars Anaheim Mighty *ucks in the Western Conference Finals next week? Need I say more?

More Death

Saw two dead armadillos today. Keeled over, on the side of the road (or "Wheels Up," as my mom's friend Judee would say). I've lived in Georgia for more than a year and a half now, and I've seen dozens of dead armadillos, but I still haven't seen a live one. I think maybe that's a new goal for my Georgia checklist: See a living armadillo.

The Old Man Passed Away

When I was a kid, we took a summer trip back East every year. The drive to Massachusetts was lousy... thirteen hours, much of it in southern Ontario (think Iowa, only flatter). But I always loved going on little day trips, to places like Mt. Washington (the highest point east of the Mississippi), the Tall Ships in the Boston Harbor, and the like.

One of the things I remember was New Hampshire's Old Man of the Mountain, a natural rock formation. If you drive up the interstate through NH, you would drive right past it. If you've ever seen the New Hampshire state quarter, the Old Man is on the back. I had a New Hampshire T-Shirt that had a drawing of the Old Man on it.

This weekend, the Old Man of the Mountain crumbled. Funny, I feel like a little part of my childhood went with it.

High Times

And to think, in high school, we just called it "pot." I guess we needed a better thesaurus.

Pretty, Pretty

Over the last week, I've had an opportunity to wander around most of my apartment complex. I have to say, we have the cutest front yard of everybody. Lots of flowers, happy chirping birds (when I remember to fill the feeder), cute welcome sign. It's harder to gauge the backyard, since the patios here have a 6-foot brick wall. But peeking through everyone's gates on my way to the laundry room, I'd say we're a top-five backyard, too.

I've moved nine times in the last ten years, and I've only had one other apartment that felt like a home. My old roommate Darren and I used to share a 2-bedroom house in Kirksville. But even then, we didn't bother with planting flowers. Hell, we were lucky to get the lawn mowed before the city gave us a ticket!

Stupid, Stupid Ducks (Pt.2)

The Anaheim Mighty Ducks just beat the Dallas Stars in the Western Conference Semifinals. On the one hand, It makes the *ucks' sweep of the Red Wings much more acceptable. On the other hand, I was really hoping that Dallas would just make them look stupid.

Bastards!

Due to an unfortunate formatting change, Columbus no longer has an ESPN Radio station. My #1 preset on my car stereo is now an all-latino station. Cory thinks I should "use my power" in the sports community to start a grass-roots campaign against the new station. I think he's a nutcase.

It's True...

I've heard about this sort of thing before, but always thought it was an urban legend or lame horror movie plot... not a true medical condition. Boy was I wrong.

Oh Captain, My Captain!

Stevie's coming back next year!

Last Dance with Mary Jane

Just plucked a couple of leaves off the catnip plant I've been growing on the patio. Now Cory and I are watching Zoe get stoned. Sure, we're a bad influence. But it's so damn cute to watch the little addict rolling around on the floor, having her little kitty hallucinations.

I know, I'm an enabler. I'm sure there's a support group out there somewhere for cat-enablers just like me.

A Prom Divided

Last year at this time, C-Town was the site of a heartwarming national news story. See, the kids at Taylor County High School in Butler, Ga (About 45 miles from here) decided to have an integrated prom for the first time in school history. Integration in Georgia's public schools only happened about 30 years ago, and at that time, Taylor County HS stopped sponsoring a prom at all. They didn't want to condone interracial dating.

So the kids and their parents starting hosting their own proms... one for the black kids, one for the whites. And while every other school in the state slowly started offering integrated proms, the black kids and the white kids kept holding seperate dances every year. It was the way it had always been, and they never really questioned it. Until last year, when the junior class decided to screw the tradition, and hold their first integrated prom. It was here in C-Town, and was a smashing success. Of course, none of the kids thought it was a big deal, except having CNN at their prom was pretty cool.

This year, the kids were all set to hold another integrated prom, when some jerkoff (its unclear whether it was a parent or a kid) decided that they wanted an all-white prom. It was tonight, right here in C-Town, at a rather expensive banquet hall. I mean, yeah, it's a privately-sponsored, non-school-supported function, so they can invite whoever the hell they want. But still, what a dickweed.

Chop, Chop

I got my hair cut yesterday, and Cory and Melissa (of the "Don't get it all cut off, You'll regret it" camp) will be happy to hear that I only got a trim and a slightly different style. Thankfully, I finally found a stylist in Columbus that isn't incompetent! Hurrah for competent stylists!!!

Of course, it looked good yesterday. We'll see if I can replicate that minor miracle today.

Bite Me

Wednesday night, in my sleep, something bit me (no, not Cory). I didn't notice the bites at first, but later in the day, I noticed a bunch of little bumps on my leg. They didn't really itch, so it really didn't bother me too much. Well, one day later, and they itch like a mo-fo. There's probably 20 of these little bites, from about my left hip all the way down to my knee. I must have scratched them quite a bit in my sleep, because the skin is kind of raw.

It's so disconcerting to realize that there was some kind of bug (or worse, spider) trapped under the covers of my bed, crawling around on my leg, trying to find a way out from under the covers, and when it got frustrated, just started biting me. Repeatedly. Yuck.

Adventures in Orthodonture

I've probably mentioned this to you before, but Cory is seven years younger than me. Most of the time, I don't really think about the age difference. It isn't that big of a deal. But every now and then, he'll say or do something that makes me feel really old. Like he'd never seen an episode of "Square Pegs" until about four months ago.

Well, here's another one: He's getting braces next week. Braces. He's had a retainer-type thing for about two years now... He has TMJ, and one of the ways they've been treating it is by trying to space his teeth out. Well, braces are the next step.

I'm no stranger to orthodontic torture. For about a year (primarily 6th grade), I wore a horrific device called a Frankel Appliance. It's used to correct an overbite, and, in essence, wires your jaw shut when you wear it. I was only allowed to remove it to eat, and talking while wearing it (we named it "Othello," though I don't know why) was nearly impossible. It didn't help that my sixth grade teacher was an evil man who mocked me the first few weeks I wore it. He eventually stopped calling on me in class because I couldn't answer coherently.

I had braces after Othello. 8th and 9th grades mostly, I think, though I've tried to block most of those years from my memory. I was already an ugly, awkward kid, so the braces weren't nearly as awful as Othello was. The fact that about 1/4 of the kids I knew also had braces made it a little less traumatizing.

We were talking about this at work the other day... braces are cool now. Seriously. I was just 20 years ahead of the trend.

More Senility

I had soooooo many things I was planning to blog about last night, but when I tried to log on to blogger, it wouldn't work. In fact, for a while, I couldn't even access my site. Now that I have a chance to write, I can't remember any of the things I was planning to write about. Crap.