Flying High

During Jan's visit last week, we went to a raptor show at Callaway Gardens. This didn't happen.

A Real Fungi

Wow. And I thought my apartment was nasty. At least people aren't selling visual evidence of my filth on the internet.

Rumble on the Frozen Pond

Did anybody catch Saturday's Red Wings/Blues Game? Holy Shit... I haven't seen anything like that in years! Over 200 penalty minutes in the third period alone.

The funny thing is, the night before, we were watching Slap Shot. If you haven't seen it, you really must. First of all, it's hysterical.... just Paul Newman's clothes in the movie are spectacular (the movie came out in 1977, when leather leisure suits were always a stellar wardrobe choice). But second, and more important for this little anecdote, the whole movie is about violence in hockey, and how it denegrates (is that a word?) the game.

I've always been torn on the issue of fighting in hockey. On the one hand, it's pretty damn entertaining (Darren McCarty brawling on the ice without a shirt is a true pleasure), and I think it serves an important purpose. On the other hand, it cheapens the sport, and it turns a lot of people off from it.

A Sign of Things to Come

I feel the need to at least summarize the things I intend to write about over the next few days... not so much that I think it'll entice you to come back and read more... but more just because I'll forget what I want to write about if I don't put it in some kind of list form.

1-Bachmann's Sparrows 2-Photos 3-Boom-Boom's Retirement 4-The Zebras 5-The Grill 6-The A/C

Ok. I feel better now.

Another Apology

So, after a week off from my bloggy duties, I finally got the chance to write something on my blog. Unfortunately, my weenie boyfriend was on the computer when I got home from work... then my weenie boyfriend wanted me to help him with his taxes. Here's the really crummy part: The bastard is getting about $1200 back. In the meantime, I owe about $400. '

Weenie.

An Apology

Sorry I've been blowing off my bloggy duties. I've been busy tracking down rare birds with my mother.

The trip to Stone Mountain was ok... we got kind of a late start, so we didn't get there until about 2:30 pm or so, and the place closes at 5pm. They charge something like $19.00 for all the attractions- the bastards! You can't pay just one price for one attraction (like the train, the skylift, the steamboat). You've got to pay $19 to do everything. We said "screw that" and just walked around for a couple of hours. It was a beautiful day. In fact, the weather has been beautiful all week. Sunny and in the 70s... not such a bad vacation for Jan. It's been kind of springy in Michigan, but that only means temperatures in the 50s. According to yahoo weather, it'll be snowing when she gets back!

Successful Operation

"Operation Mommy Freedom" was a success today. Cory picked up my mom at Atlanta Hartsfield Airport in what he described as "the perfect pickup." In actuality, he got there early and had to wait for her, so I don't really see how you could describe it as "perfect." Anyway, that's about all I really have to report today. My NCAA brackets are screwed. More on that at a later date.

Tomorrow... sightseeing at Stone Mountain. Stay tuned.

NCAA Update

I've got four different sets of tournament brackets revolving around different office pools across the country. See, I love to gamble, but I'm a very conservative gambler. I like to hedge my bets. Each of my NCAA brackets is a little bit different. A couple are common-sense type selections, with just a few major changes. One of the pools I'm in rewards you for picking upsets, so I have my "Upset Special" bracket for that. I'm doing pretty well with all of those brackets. You could say that I'm in the hunt, at least so far.

Then there's "The K Factor."

See, every year, for the NCAA tournament, I come up with some whacked-out "secret formula" for calculating my NCAA bracket. In the past, variables have included: Number of seniors on the roster, Average Margin of Victory, Schedule Strength, NCAA Tournament experience, etc. Usually the formula doesn't fare much worse than any other bracket.

This year, I eliminated the psychological variables, and focused only on the quantitative. As a result, this year, "The K Factor" blows. So far, my evil-genius formula only accurately predicted 21of 32 games... and I've already lost two of my Sweet 16 teams.

As my contribution to the world of gambling, I'm now going to reveal the 2003 "K Factor" formula. Do NOT use this formula. It sucks. Think of this as a word of warning:

(SORRY KIDS... I HAD TO REMOVE THIS... YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE THAT EASY TO STEAL MY SECRET FORMULA, DID YOU???)

By the way, the "K Factor" predicted Syracuse to beat Kansas in the Championship game. If you picked Syracuse, consider yourself warned.

The Arrival

My blogging may be a bit sporadic over the next few days- My mom is visiting all week. She arrives Saturday evening, and lucky Cory, he gets to pick her up at the Atlanta airport. It's only a 1 1/2 hour drive (1:15 If I'm driving), and I couldn't go to get her because I have to work Saturday night.

It should be an interesting week. My parents are pretty serious birdwatchers, so we'll be driving all over B.F.E. (or B.F.Georgia, actually) looking for rare birds. There was talk of a trip to Tallahassee, Florida, to go see a Calliope Hummingbird, but my mom just got an email saying that the hummer has moved on, so it looks like Tallahassee is off. I can't say I'm disappointed.

A Sudden Sense of Urgency

Yesterday, my NCAA pools were all in good fun. Today, I need the moolah. Turns out the "little problem" I've had with my car's Air Conditioning is actually a $400 problem. Not so little anymore, huh? I've already survived one Georgia summer without A/C... and though I think I lost about 10 pounds every day on my drive to work, I'd really like to get the ol' air conditioning fixed before the temps get up in the 90s.

Winning an NCAA pool or two sure wouldn't hurt... uh, not that I play for money. Right now, two of my brackets are looking pretty good. Of course, I didn't pick Central Michigan to upset Creighton, and I obviously should have. Damn Chippewas. See if I send their alumni association any money this year (ok, I've never sent them any money... but that's beside the point.)

National Security

If you're not into duct-taping your windows, here are some other suggestions for surviving these trying times. Funny Stuff.

Bad Case of the Brackets

I've spent waaaaaayyy too much time this week working on my NCAA tournament pool brackets. It is, after all, the most wonderful time of the year. I hope that some year in the near future, I'll spend the entire tournament at the Caesar's Palace sports book, smoking stogies and guzzling complimentary watered-down scotch, while I stare at 50 TV screens and scream things like "Fire Up Chips!"

I'm in three different pools, and in one of them I'm entering two different brackets. So far, I'm one-for-one... I picked UNC Asheville to win the "play-in" game. If the pools are looking well, I'll update you on my progress. If not... well, the sportslady doesn't need to ruin her credibility by proving how bad she is at picking basketball games.

By the way, if you're concerned Dan Rather will interrupt your plans for nonstop NCAA tournament viewing... never fear. There's a contingency plan.

Puck Bunnies Unite!

Admirers of "Hockey Hair" rejoice... a book just for you!

War! What is it Good For?

Here's a fun thought. My mom's flying in for a visit on Saturday. In theory, I'm supposed to have next week off. But, if there's a war, nobody at the station gets to take vacation, which means my mom could spend her vacation sitting around a cockroach-infested newsroom, watching me produce stories on gas prices and war protests. Fun time, huh?

Today's Rejection Letter:

Thank you for your interest in the on-air Braves reporter position with Turner Sports.
It is very gratifying to have a person of your talent consider our company for employment. The overwhelming response we have experienced has made our decision a very difficult one. Unfortunately, we are unable to extend an offer of employment to you at this time.
I wish you success and happiness in your future endeavors.
Best regards,
Blah Blah Blah
Etc, Etc...

Ah, well... At least they spelled my name right. That's better than the last crop of rejections I received. Maybe I'll frame this one... hang it on the wall next to my IBNA Best Sportscast Award from 2000. Keep me humble, right?

Last Night's Fortune Cookie:

"In silence, man can most readily preserve his integrity."

Maybe that's why nobody's commented on this blog in a week. Helllloooooooo?

It's Madness, I Tell You!

Here's my definition of March Madness: Our competition's leading story in their 11pm newscast was the NCAA tournament bracket. Not their sportscast... their newscast. Forget Iraq, man. 24-hour deadline? That's not news... not when Central Michigan is headed to the big dance!

A Wasted Day

Normally, this time of year, I get Fridays off. But since I work in a two-person department, we have to re-adjust our schedules depending on what's going on in the sports world. Tonight I had to work because C-Town State University was hosting the NCAA Division II Southeast Regional. So the plan was to get to work, put together about 1:00 of material on CSU, shoot and edit some highlights of another game, do a live shot during the 6pm newscast, take a dinner break, shoot the CSU game at 8:30, interview the coach and some players, do a live shot for the 11pm newscast, then come home.

I edit together a short piece about home court advantage (CSU was the host school and top seed at the regional). I edit highlights of an early game. I get ready to leave for my live shot, and apparently the school's public safety officers got all in a tizzy because we parked our Live Truck in a place where we weren't supposed to park it. I might add that it's the same place we parked our live truck last week, and also the same place we've always parked it. Anyway, the rent-a-cops got pissed and made us move the truck, thus killing the 6pm live shot.

So, I go get dinner, Dave (my boss) goes to CSU and pitches a fit, and they finally let us put our truck where we want. At 8:30, I head out to the game, shoot video of the game, get post-game from the coach, and call Dave, only to find out that a thunderstorm is in the area and we can't do our live shot at 11 either.

Oh, and CSU lost. They were the number one seed. And the team that beat them? Their Nickname is the Blue Hose. huh????

To sum up: I came in on what was supposed to be my day off to do two live shots that never happened about a team that didn't even win one damn tournament game. A completely worthless day.

You Can Get Anything You Want...

How long does it take to download a 22 minute, 26 second-long song? Well, so far, it's taken me 1 hour and 13 minutes to download "Alice's Restaurant" by Arlo Guthrie. At last check, it was 70% downloaded (14.51 of 20.54 MB). Sigh.

That Toddlin' Town

The first time Cory and I saw the trailer for Chicago, I remember exactly what I said to him in the theater: "Wow, could they pick three more over-rated actors?" Now that I've actually seen the movie, I have to admit, it's pretty damn good.

Ok, now here's my summation of Chicago: Catherine Zeta-Jones is not a very good dancer (Though apparently she got her start in musicals, according to the stalker-site I just linked to). Renee Zellweger is not a very good actress. Somehow it still works. Great directing and great film editing, I suppose. Richard Gere, who I generally don't like, was great. Queen Latifah was really good, though I'm not sure why she's been nominated for an Oscar. There really wasn't a whole lot to her role. But I suppose if Kim Basinger can win Best Supporting Actress for the three lines she had in "L.A. Confidential," then the role's meatiness doesn't really have a whole lot to do with the category.

Oh, and I think Renee Zellweger's boobs may actually be as small as mine are. And how does she keep getting movie roles? All she does is squint into the camera. She makes my eyes hurt just watching her.

On a side note, we went to see "The Hot Chick" at the dollar theater last week and I never mentioned it... possibly because of my utter shame over having paid (albeit a discount rate) to see it. It really wasn't that bad. It wasn't that good, either... but it could have been a lot worse.

Ignorance Is Bliss

I've been putting this off forever, so it was about time that Cory and I saw "Chicago". I finally caved in tonight. More on the movie in a different post. Let me first say that I love going to movies on weeknights, because there's rarely more than 10 people in the theater. Tonight, there were probably about a dozen. Of course, a group of about five people came in just as the movie was starting, and sat directly behind us (Pretty obnoxious of them, since the theater was pretty empty). They got more annoying... during a couple of the slower numbers, they started talking loudly to one another.

Now, I learned long ago that there's a inverse correlation between intelligence and volume when it comes to people who talk during movies. I admit, I'm a whisperer. I'm one of the people who's always leaning over, asking my friends "who's that guy?" But I try to keep actual conversations to a minimum.

Tonight, a prime example of my theory: At one point, the loud talker said to her friends "I didn't know that this was going to be a musical"

WHAT???????? "I didn't know that this was going to be a musical"

If there's anything you know about "Chicago," it's that the movie is a musical, right? Right???

How Stupid Am I?

I consider myself a fairly smart person... but I can be a real dumbass. I'm flighty. I can't count the number of times I've run out of gas in my life, but they are plentiful. Tonight, I did it again. It could have been worse. I didn't run out of gas on the interstate. My car pooped out just after the exit ramp. Of course, the fact that it was almost 11:00 at night wasn't very cool. The good news was, I was only about a block away from a 24-hour Wal-Mart, and the Wal-Mart's only a couple of miles from our apartment.

When I tried to call Cory, he was on the internet (we have to use a phone line to access), so the line was busy. and busy. and busy. and busy. The freakin' operator wouldn't break in on the line, which pissed me off royally. When I finally got through to our phone, Cory had already left the apartment to go looking for me (By that point, I had left work nearly two hours earlier.) Thankfully, he decided to cruise through the Wal-Mart parking lot to make sure I wasn't there buying toilet paper or something. There I was, in front of Wallyworld, looking sad and lonely.

The funny thing is, even though I've lived in a decent-sized city for nearly a year and a half, I still think in small-town terms. In other words, I could have called a taxi service to come get me and drive me home. Instead, I just kept trying to call Cory, as though he were my only hope. Another instance of how I can be flighty.

Last Night's Fortune Cookie:

"The weather today is beautiful"

True. It was about 75 degrees and sunny outside. All the trees are blossoming, especially the dogwoods. These are the days at work that I love. I spent the entire day at baseball games: First at Chattahoochee Valley Community College, then at Auburn University. Once it got dark out, it cooled off a little, but I still didn't even need a sweatshirt. So, other than the fact that I spent the whole day with a 25-pound camera sitting on my right shoulder, slowly turning me into a hunchback, it really was a nice day.

The Weather Channel- Columbus, GA

More News From The Wire:

LONDON (Reuters) - A young shop assistant was tricked into letting a complete stranger smear her bare feet with baked beans and syrup "for charity."
The woman in her 20s was alone in the Edinburgh shop when the man came in, police said on Friday.
She agreed to his bizarre request, which he said was aimed at raising money for Comic Relief.
"He brought foodstuffs with him and made her lie back with her eyes closed before proceeding to pour gunk on her feet. He then asked her if she could identify what they were," said police spokeswoman Ruth MacCleod.
The stranger, believed to be in his early 30s, also took several photographs, particularly of her feet.
Lothian and Borders Police said the man then thanked the woman and left. It was only when she told her flatmates about it later on Tuesday evening that she became alarmed.
"The woman's friends told her: 'What on Earth were you thinking? He's obviously a total weirdo'" MacCleod said.
She added that the man had done nothing to physically harm the her and she had not felt threatened. The man's behavior was not necessarily criminal, MacCleod said.
"The reason we've put this story out is because the man said he had other sponsors he would get to do the same thing."
"It's just in case he goes and visits another female working in a shop on her own and things go a bit awry... progressing from the feet."

In the Dawg House

What a crazy day at work. I expected it to be a typical slow monday. And it was... for an hour. Then at 3:30, we got this cryptic message from the University of Georgia, saying that the Athletic Director and the University President would be holding a press conference at 5:30. It took us an hour to get any kind of confirmation that they were suspending Head Coach Jim Harrick. By then, it was 4:30, I still had my normal show to do, and the 5:30 producer asked me to do something special for his show. It was run, run, run, run, ad-lib, ad-lib, ad-lib... I didn't really do a lot of work... but I'm totally wiped out. So I'm kind of phoning in the blog today. Sorry for my lack of effort.

Found on the AP Wire Today at Work:

(Nederland, Colorado-AP) -- Almost every town has a festival.
Nederland (NEH'-der-land), Colorado, is making its mark with "Frozen Dead Guy Days."
For the second year, residents of this town near Boulder are honoring an 89-year-old Norwegian man who was cryogenically frozen after his death in 1989 and stored in a shed in town.
Local officials tried to stop the experiment. But once they figured out there wasn't much they could do, residents decided to make it the focus of a winter festival.
Yesterday, a slow-moving parade complete with the shed and a grim reaper passed through town. Then, there were coffin races in a city park and a "frozen dead guy" lookalike contest.
The festival ends today.

Wow. That sure beats the hell out of "Coal Miner Days" in Novinger, Missouri.

They actually have a website for the Festival: www.frozendeadguy.com/

The Cottonmouths are On Fire

Literally. They had to evacuate the Columbus Civic Center, not once, but twice tonight because of a fire alarm. It was a false alarm, so actually, not only were the Cottonmouths not on fire literally, but the were far from en fuego figuratively, either. They lost 5-1 to the Pee Dee Pride. And don't ask where Pee Dee is. You're sitting at a damn computer, look it up.

Lucky Bastard

So while I was at work today, Cory got to spend the whole day at "Taste of the Valley." Our station is a sponsor of the event, so he got to be a judge, and sample everything. Shrimp Scampi, Tiramisu, New York Strip Steak, Lasagna, Petit Fours... you name it, while I was starving at work, he was pigging out on free food.

He was telling me all about his day, and we got to talking about egg rolls. It made me think: When I was a kid growing up in Michigan, the only egg rolls I ever had contained bean sprouts as their main filler. Then I moved to Missouri and Georgia... and every egg roll has cabbage in it. I'm not a big fan of cabbage, so I prefer the sprout-filled egg roll. But here's my question: Are egg rolls supposed to be filled with sprouts or cabbage? Which do they serve in your neck of these great American woods? I need to know, people! I'm going to lie awake at night until I know where the superior egg rolls are served.

Awwww... I feel all Warm and Fuzzy

Thanks to Donna "Karen Radner" Craig for sending this link along. It made my whole day.

Everybody Loves a Water-Skiing Squirrel



Well, ok, maybe PETA doesn't... but everybody else loves a water-skiing squirrel, damn it!

Last Night's Fortune Cookie:

"Learning is a treasure which accompanies us everywhere"

In my case, it accompanies me in the form of about $8000 in student loan debt for a Master's Degree I no longer use.
Oh, and if it's helpful to anyone, my lucky numbers were 2,4,7,11,16,23.

Two Things:

First of all, this is just wrong. Funny, but wrong.

Second, if this guy isn't my friend Paul, it's his twin. Seriously. Paul also likes to think he's Jesus. Hey, who's to say he isn't.

Speaking of Jesuses (or is that Jesi?) is anyone else confused by this?

Bleeding-Heart Liberals Unite!

(If your political inclinations lean in another direction, feel free to skim past this post. My feelings won't be hurt.)

The response to Move On's emergency petition to the U.N. Security Council has been nothing short of extraordinary. Less than two days after the petition was launched, over 550,000 people have signed, from over 200 countries. It's a strong message from the peoples of the world that the Security Council should support tough inspections in Iraq, not war.

You can sign up at: http://www.moveon.org/emergency/

Move On plans to deliver the petition on Monday, but needs to send the petition to press on Friday night.

CBS News, the Kings of Journalistic Integrity

Ok, I'm only a Sports Anchor, but even I think this is a bit on the shady side. It's bad enough former soap opera actresses are snapping up all the good sports jobs, but do actors also have to take jobs away from those poor foreign language majors?

Of course, this is a CBS tradition, and not just in the network's news department. A couple of years ago,this really pissed off ornithologists nationwide. And believe me, you don't know pissed off until you see a cranky birdwatcher.

And you thought Fox News ("We Report, You Decide") was shady...

MMMMMMmmmmm... Douche Chips

Tell me, does anyone else shere my love of Salt and Vinegar potato chips? Love 'em, Love 'em, Love 'em.

Pleese Occifer, Don't Give Me A Certificate...

So, I had to drive to Macon (Georgia, not Missouri) today, about a two-hour trip. It's one of those drives that shouldn't be that bad, since it's about 100 miles due East of here, but there's no interstate that stretches from here to there, so it's a lot of two-lane road and state highways. There's really only about four towns on the entire drive, so its a pretty boring drive. I was going pretty fast (72 in a 55), and got pulled over by a Georgia State Patrol officer. We were on the outskirts of our viewing area, and, of course, I was driving one of the enormous "News Leader 9" vans. The officer only gave me a warning (Thank God).

Trust me, it wasn't one of those bat-your-eyelashes and flirt-with-the-cop kind of situations. I looked hot and sweaty and kind of unclean. I think it may have helped that I was in Taylor County, Georgia, and told him I was on my way to see the Taylor County High School basketball team in the State Tournament at the Macon Centreplex. Then again, maybe he was just a nice guy.

Tomorrow, another trip to Macon. I'll be taking it a little more slowly this time.

Home, Sweet Home

For the umpteenth time in the last couple months, I've seen another movie that takes place in Detroit. Cory and I went to see "Narc" at the cheap-o theater tonight. Now, most of the movie was shot in Toronto, but they shot all the exteriors in the Motor City. Mostly shots on Woodward Avenue, just a few blocks north of the Fox Theatre/Comerica Park area (or as I like to call it, Illitchville). There was also one nice shot from Belle Isle, where you could see the bridge and also the Renaissance Center.

It was a much better use of the Belle Isle Bridge than in the movie "Detroit Rock City." In that movie, a group of four kids drive from Cleveland to Detroit. Oddly, they drive across the Belle Isle Bridge to get there. Last time I checked, you had to go through Detroit to get to Belle Isle. That's the funny thing about islands... They're isolated. Go Figure.

Just Call Me Martha Stewart

No, I'm not involved in an insider trading scandal. Even more shocking: I planted flowers! My patio might actually look nice this year... but I wouldn't count on it.

Picture Day Update

(A brief tribute to my extraordinary narcissism and vanity)
Haven't seen my new publicity photos yet. I had to get up pretty early on Monday to get them taken, which kind of cheesed me off, but I'm used to that. Nobody ever thinks about the evening staff when they plan events (and it's the evening staff that comprises the "faces" of the station, which is the funny thing).
The station had a brilliant idea this time around. They had our General Manager, who's an amateur photographer, take our pictures. That way nobody can bitch about their pictures, because the big boss is the one who took them.
At least this time, they paid attention to the lighting a little more. I don't think I mentioned this in my last "picture day" posting, but the lighting was so bad that it looked like I had a black eye. They had to retouch my picture just to get rid of the shadow. Nice, huh?
Still waiting to see the pictures this time around. Cory works in the promotions department, and he hasn't even seen them yet (or so he says... I suspect that maybe he has seen them, and that he just doesn't want to tell me how bad they are).

Put 'Em all in a "Cell"

As many of you know, I'm anti-cell phone. I like having them on hand if I'm on a long drive (like my trip tomorrow), but other than that, there is absolutely no human being that I need to talk to so desperately that it can't wait until I get home. That's why I have an answering machine.

I can't even imagine what hell my life would be if I had a cell phone. As it is, my boss calls me five to ten times a day. Can you imagine how often I'd have to talk to him if he could reach me any time he wants? Dear Jesus. I'd have to shoot myself.

So, you can really imagine my disgust with those people whose phones are permanently attached to their ears. In the last two days, I've noticed two really inappropriate cell phone uses:
1. At the post office today, At the post office today, a woman was talking on her phone in line. That's cool. It was a long line, and I was pretty bored myself. But when she got to the clerk's window, she just kept on talking to her friend. There's the postal worker, weighing packages (there were several), doing her job, and the customer wouldn't even say one word to her because she was just so absorbed in her phone call (and it really wasn't an important call. I know, because she was talking very loudly.
Now, I worked customer service for a long time. I wouldn't have waited on the bitch. I'd have just stood there, staring at her blankly until she got off the damn phone and acknowledged me. The way I see it, she would have demanded my full attention. She should give me the same respect.
But this one really got me...
2. At the Alabama Final Four last week, I was in the ladies' room, fixing my hair for one of my live shots. A woman was in the stall, taking a whiz, and yammering away at one of her friends on the phone. In what world is this appropriate behavior? The last time I checked, we all tried to keep our bodily functions to ourselves. So it happens once, and I just think the woman's a freak. But here's the thing: It happened three more times over the next two days. People in the john, doing their icky business, and yapping on the phone. What's up with that???

It's Picture Day at School

Remember picture day? Every year, my mom would put my hair in those little spongy pink curlers the night before picture day, so I had springy hair when I got up in the morning. Of course, I never got a good night's sleep before picture day because my head was covered with lumpy plasticy curlers all night.

Invariably, my picture was always horrible, and I'd have to get it re-taken on reject day. After a while, we stopped getting my picture taken at school altogether, and I'd only get it taken for the class composite every year.

Tomorrow is picture day at work, and I'm unhappy to say that the trend continues. Consider my publicity shot from last year. Quite possibly the worst picture ever taken of me. The station just had a guy that works there take our pictures. I guess you get what you pay for.

I'll fill you in on the results as they come available. In the meantime, I need to rinse the color out of my hair before it all falls out.

These Kids Today...

I admit, I've been out of touch with the kids for a long time... I like to think that I know all the slang words, I just can't use them convincingly. But there's one slang word that I really can't get the hang of.

"Crunk"

As in: "I'm 'bout to get all crunk 'bout him."
Or the banner at the football game: "Tigers Get Crunk!"
Or at the state championship "They all crunk 'bout winning."

Is this word used anywhere else in the world, or is it just an urban southern type thing?