The Only Club I Belong To

I guess I'm not a "joiner" by nature, but there's one club I've always been able to get behind: Sam's Club. But let me tell you, ol' Sam Walton's been leaving me high and dry lately, and I'm getting a little pissed about it. First, they stopped carrying my favorite cheese tortellini, and replaced it with a much more expensive imposter. That was last month. Then, they stopped carrying the five-pound bags of animal crackers that I've been living off of. The last straw, however, came this weekend. No cases of Molson Canadian! What the hell are they trying to do to me? It was like the one little slice of home that I had with me (other than my Detroit Red Wings shrine in my spare bedroom).

What am I going to do now? Drink American Beer??? I think not!