Anthem Snob

First, a confession. I admit it, I'm an anthem snob.

Allow me to explain. As a sports reporter/anchor, I hear the national anthem probably more than anyone else on the planet. Some days I hear it as many as four or five times, at events ranging from high school softball games to pro hockey games. I love when teams play a pre-recorded instrumental version of the anthem, because it typically means it'll go fast. I hate when teams audition local "talent" to perform the national anthem, because they always ruin it.

I know what you're thinking... What, exactly, do I mean by "ruining" the anthem? Am I talking about all the Mariah Carey wanna-bes of the world, who feel the need to jazz up the anthem by showing off their vocal stylings with lenghty "woah, woah, woahs?" Sure, but that's only part of it.

For all of the patriotic posturing I've seen here in the South, a startlingly low number of people seem to actually know the lyrics to "The Star-Spangled Banner."

For example, it's not "...And the rockets red glare, bombs are bursting in air," though at least 50 people I've heard seem to believe that those are the correct words.

I've also heard "...were so galaxy streaming," "...were so gallantly screaming," and a whole litany of other hideously incorrect lyrics.

I won't even get into the issues they have with the melody, though I will add that people around here tend to sing the phrase "early light" in the wrong key, giving the song a very ominous tone. They turn it from a tune in the key of, say G-Major into G-minor.

To be perfectly honest, I think "The Star Spangled Banner" is a pretty crappy national anthem. Go ahead, call me a traitor, but first hear me out: Very little of the populus has the vocal range to sing it correctly. Instead, most of us are confined to either dropping down an ocvave when we reach those glaring rockets... or simply mouthing the words while someone more competent sings nearby. What's the purpose of having an anthem that the citizens can't sing?

Second, the song's about a battle in a war. Personally, I don't think that really fits with the image that we try to portray, as keepers of the peace. God knows much of the world identifiesus with war, so I guess it's not entirely inappropriate. Here's the problem, though. The Star Spangled Banner isn't about a battle in the American Revolution, which would at least make sense. Nope, it's about a battle in the War of 1812.

I used to really like it when I worked during Detroit Pistons games, and the pre-game singers wouldn't always sing the national anthem. Nope, sometimes it would be "God Bless America," sometimes "America the Beautiful," my personal favorite ("Oh beautiful, for spacious skies..." It always makes me think of Ray Charles.)