News Blues

One of our reporters, Gretchen, sent these to me at work tonight. Not everyone that reads this blog works (or has worked) in television... but I think a few of you might appreciate these:

Q: How many C.G. operators does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fuor

Q: How many live truck operators does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light was leaving here fine - the problem must be out on YOUR end.

Q: How many assignment editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: WHAT? There's a LIGHT BULB OUT??? I'll make some calls.

Q: How many news anchors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one to hold the bulb, while the world revolves around them.

Q: How many directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's too late to make any more changes!

Q: How many News Directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Send everybody. I want to open with a live shot." (and "team coverage," no doubt...)

Q: How many sports anchors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I don't know.. isn't it on the wires?
(Ed. note: I'm not a "sports anchor." I'm a sports anchor/reporter/producer/photographer.)

Q: How many sales executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I don't know, how many can you afford?

Q: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What did you do to it? Never mind, fill out this "maintenance request form" in triplicate, and leave it on the bench.

Q: How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but before it's all over, they're gonna change ALL the light bulbs.

Q: How many reporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three.. two.. one.

Q: How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's okay, I unscrewed the bulb for the dramatic effect!

Q: What's the difference between God and a news anchor?
A: God doesn't think he's a news anchor.

Q: How many station department heads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You know, this issue strikes at the very heart of one of our core competencies. We need to think outside the box, and be proactive on this. Here is the bottom line: at the end of the day, we need to leverage our knowledge base and find a viable solution that fits synergistically. All right people, let's put together a game plan that makes sense, and tomorrow we'll touch base and see where we're at on this.

Q: How many Business Managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Did you requisition this bulb? If so, I haven't signed off on it. Oh and by the way, once it's approved in Movaris make sure you order online through Staples. The $.03 credit will show up on your repair and maintenance line next month.

Q: How many General Managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Assistant:) He'll give you an answer as soon as he gets back from golf with a very important customer, but I'm sure he's going to want to know why we need to replace it, since it's only been out for a few days.

Q: How many Promotions people does it take to change a light bulb? (Cory, by the way, is a promotions writer.)
A: If this light bulb isn't changed soon----your FAMILY, your HOME, even your DOG-may all be at risk!
Change this bulb tonight or you may spend a lifetime in darkness!