Things My Employer Never Has To Worry About:

Unlike other television anchors, I will never, ever, get fired because of participation in a wet T-shirt contest.

Because of the "morality clause" in all of our contracts? Umm, Sure. Because I know I need to "represent the community with the utmost class and respect?" Uh-huh. Not to mention the fact that I would never, ever enter such a contest because I would never, ever win.

It actually reminds me of a funny story I heard once about a colleague of mine at another television station. He and his wife were honeymooning in some tropical paradise, and it turned out that their resort had a nudist section. What the hell, right? He's somewhere in the Caribbean, hundreds of miles away from home. So, while his new bride is "freshening up" in the room, he swallows his pride, and goes down to the lounge to wait for her, completely nude. He orders a beer, and while he's waiting for his drink, he notices a couple staring at him. Shortly afterwards, the couple approaches him.

"Aren't you Joe Schmo?" They ask, eagerly.
(not the anchor's real name... I know, you're stunned)
"Ummm, yes. I am Joe Schmo," He replies, hesitating.
"We thought so! We watch you every night on the news!"

I'm sure they've never watched him quite the same way since.