Only In Florida

It's pretty rare for a professional baseball team to have cheerleaders. Here in Florida, it's not as uncommon. They'll do anything to try and put butts in the seats.

And when I say "anything," I mean anything.

This year, joining the Florida Marlins' cheerleaders (the "Mermaids"), there will be a new cheer squad. A chubbier cheer squad. A hairier cheer squad. A testosteronier cheer squad.

The Manatees. As the woman in this video says, "We're looking for big personalities, big talent, and big bellies as well."

And speaking of Sea Cows:

Red Carpet Memo

Attn: Cameron Diaz
Re: Hair
Priority: Urgent

Cameron, I get it. I really do. You have very thin, fine hair. Believe me, I feel your pain.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't at least try.

You weren't asked to be an Oscar presenter because of your outstanding theatrical skills and your lengthy history of attendance at the Academy Awards. You were asked because you're eye candy.

A ponytail and sweaty-looking swept-aside bangs are not acceptable.

My First Funny Work Story

(Ok, so this story requires a little explanation for folks who don't live in this part of the country. Around here, if you want to be a member of a wholesale store, you have three choices. Of course, there's Sam's Club. Then there's Costco. And then, there's the unintentionally-humorously titled "BJ's.")

I'm sure this has probably happened somewhere that you work. Sometimes warehouse stores offer special deals for corporations. Someone from Costco, for example, sets up camp in your conference room, and offers employees discount memberships and renewals.

So, this morning at about 8:30, I'm at my desk, making my checklist for the day. There's a crackling on the loudspeaker, and a voice squawks out, "Good morning everyone. We have BJ's in the conference room for the next two hours!"

No, there wasn't a stampede of male employees towards the conference room, but our entire building did turn into a bunch of Beavis and Buttheads for the rest of the day.

Only in Florida

The Flea Market here in town is only open on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.

Fortunately, if I have a desperate need for fleas, I can just drive a few hours across the state to Deltona, where the fleas roam free like wild jackalopes. Except, of course, that fleas are real.

So Far... So Good

Ok... so I've survived two whole days at the new job without screwing up anything major. Pretty impressive, huh?

Of course, the majority of my first 16 hours on the job have been spent:
1) Filling out forms.
2) Waiting for I.T. to get my login to work.
3) Filling out forms.
4) Meeting people whose names I'll never remember.
5) Filling out forms.

Tomorrow, I get the best job ever-- writing the press release announcing the hiring of the new Director of Public Relations. That's right... I get to write a press release about myself.

While I certainly have been busy filling out forms, I haven't been nearly as busy as the person who created this.

Twinge of Jealousy

So, I happened to catch my former station's newscast tonight... and Randy got to interview Bill Murray. I have to admit, I felt a twinge of jealousy.

That is, of course, until I realized that it's Sunday... and that Randy had been working since about 9:00 am, and would be at work until at least 10:00 pm.

I just might become a fan of this "banker's hours" thing just yet.

T-Minus Four Days

Is it wrong that I'm most looking forward to dressing like a girl?

I'm sure that the appeal of wearing a skirt and heels at 8am will wear off pretty quickly-- but for now, I'm kind of excited about it. In fact, I think I'm going to check the weather forecast for Monday right now... so that I can plan an outfit.

I'm a little too excited about this, aren't I?

It's official!

As of Monday, I will once again be gainfully employed.

Of course, I'm not going to tell you exactly where... Mainly because I try to keep this blog "under the radar." I will tell you that I'll be working for one of our area's most well-known Non-Profit Organizations. I'll also reveal that I've got a pretty sweet job title: "Director of Public Relations and Marketing."

I'm pretty excited. My new boss was PR Director before she got promoted, so I know she'll be a great resource while I get my feet wet. And hell, I've already read "Public Relations for Dummies," so I've got that going for me. Which is nice.

Pour myself a cup of ambition

In the next week, my life is really going to change. For the first time since college, I'm about to become a 9-to-5er.

To be honest, I'm not sure I can do it.

Here's the thing. For the last nine years, I've worked nights-- usually a 2:30 to 11:30 shift. Before that, I worked mostly nights as a college teacher for seven years, and though I'd have to teach the occasional 7:30 a.m. class, those were usually only two days a week. I did everything in my power to only teach on Tuesdays and Thursdays-- and to only teach late morning, afternoon, or evening classes.

Sure, I had to get up early to drive the kids to speech tournaments on the weekends, but I was in my 20s, and being up for 24 hours straight really wasn't that difficult at the time. Plus, I had my summers off to sleep until noon every day if I wanted to.

So really, for the better part of the last decade and a half, I've usually waken up around 11 am, gone in to work around 2 or 3 in the afternoon, got off work around midnight.

When I tell people that, they act as if I'm either crazy-- or lazy. Usually the latter. It doesn't matter when I tell them that I work longer hours than they do. Or that I did more physical labor than they did. They hear "get up at 11:00 am" and tune the rest out. And yet, I don't see any of them getting up three hours before they have to be at work.

Then, typically, they'd have the nerve to tell me that I needed to go to bed earlier. Tell me this, honestly. Could you go to bed right after getting off of work? Of course not. You need to spend time with your family, watch tv, read, or do whatever it is you do to unwind after a long day.

Well... now I'm going to have to become a "normal" person. I'm going to be at work at 8:00 a.m. HOnestly, I'm not quite sure how this is going to work. Since Cory works nights, I'll be leaving for work hours before he gets up. He doesn't get home from work until close to 11:00 at night-- so I'll probably be going to bed just as he gets home. Either that, or I'll have to take a two hour nap after work if I want to spend any time with him during the week.

Oh... and that whole waking-up-before-the-sun thing won't be easy, either. Honestly, I don't know how you people do it.

The trade-off, of course, is getting to take weekends off. The only good part about being unemployed for the last month and a half is that, for the first time in about 15 years, I've actually enjoyed weekends. No traveling. No working. It's been pretty nice. And now that I'm going to have a "normal" job, I'll get to have "normal" weekends again.

I guess I can live with that.

Finally... some good news

So today, I got a job offer. For the job I want.

Hooray!!!

I haven't received the "official" offer package yet, so I'm not going to go into any details right now. Hopefully, in a few days, I'll have some good news to report... and if all goes well, I'll be starting next Monday!

Guitar Hero

I was at Target tonight, and noticed that they now make "Guitar Hero" for the computer. I'm sure I've mentioned Guitar Hero here on the blog before. It's absolutely brilliant.... except of course, that it takes no guitar-playing skill to master it... and that you never actually learn to play the guitar. Pretty much, if you have a sense of rhythm and were decent at playing "Simon" as a kid, you can master "Guitar Hero" pretty quickly.

Well, it looks like someone has improved upon an already great concept. Check this out: "Guitar Rising," a game in the works that's just like Guitar Hero... except you use a real guitar. How cool is that?

Ball-O-Stress

I've been climbing up the walls since my interview yesterday morning. First of all, let me explain-- I was terrified of this interview. Three Vice-Presidents, and the CEO/President. Yikes. To top it off, I haven't really had a "real" job interview in about fourteen years, when I was looking for teaching jobs.

Now, those interviews were intense, 2-day affairs where it seemed like I met everyone on campus. But I was 24 years old, and had the courage confidence foolishness of youth on my side. Plus, I had amazing references, I felt like I knew just about everyone in the field, and I really knew my stuff. The 4.0 in grad school didn't hurt either.

But job interviews have changed in the last decade and a half. I had a 45-minute phone interview a few weeks ago for a job at the circulation desk of one of our local libraries. They grilled me with prompts like, "Tell us about the last time you made a bad decision," and "When was the last time you had to persuade a supervisor to see things your way-- and were you successful?"

It was terrifying.

Ok. So, realizing how ridiculously unprepared I was, I checked out "101 Great Answers to the Toughest Interview Questions" and read it at the pool the other day. In addition to a touch of sunburn (oops), I also managed to work myself into a frenzy.

Oh, and I bought a very cute new suit for the interview. A $200.oo suit for $34 dollars. What a bargain, right? I even shaved my legs. And trimmed my fingernails. I think I may have been too prepared. I barely slept the night before the interview.

I think the interview went well, but I've been in a tizzy since then. I literally can't concentrate on anything. I'm bouncing around like a crazy person. I've even tried to curtail my caffeine intake to calm me down, and it hasn't worked.

In fact, as I type this, I realize I'm just rambling. And I hope that I didn't just ramble for four hours on my Wednesday interview.

Crap.

Random Thoughts

Because I don't have the energy to make a bunch of seperate posts:

1) I had a four-hour interview today for a job that I really, really, really, really want. It's down to me and two other people. And I'm afraid that if I don't get this job, I'm going to really, really, really, really lose my mind.

2) So, the New York Giants won the Super Bowl. Huh. I guess I have to stop thinking that Eli Manning is a marginal talent that's always skated by because his last name was "Manning." It's going to be hard-- I've felt this way for a long time.

3) Why is it that every time I log onto my computer, it sends me to a page detailing the Microsoft Service Pack #2 and #3. It's not asking me to download anything. It's not giving me any new information. And it's definitely not set as my internet homepage. And yet, every time I log on, it automatically sends me to that confounded page again.

4) Taxes are a pain in the ass.

5) Yesterday was Fat Tuesday, and our favorite local hangout had some kind of festivities with a buffet. I didn't go, because I had to be up ultra-early for the aformentioned job interview.

6) Cory's most recent job responsibility at work is to answer the "contest phone." Every night, his station is giving away $500 to a viewer, and the contest happens right before he gets off work. He's been in a great mood every night when he gets home from work because he just ended his workday by making someone's day. Hell, $500 would make my week.

7) Has anyone else seen the show "Dirt" with Courteney Cox? I've been trying to discover new shows (mostly on cable) since the writers' strike started, and I caught an episode the other night. Not bad. Not great, but not bad. I also watched the premiere of "Welcome to the Captain" last night. As far as I'm concerned, anything with Jeffrey Tambor's seal of approval is worth watching. This review, however, begs to differ. The way I see it, a pilot isn't supposed to be a show's best episode. I'll keep watching.

8) Speaking of Jeffrey Tambor, I heard that an "Arrested Development" movie could be in the works.

9) Oh, I'm reading a lot, too. Mostly non-fiction type stuff about public relations, marketing, and how-to books about job interviews. I'm also about a third of the way through "Water for Elephants."

10) I'm finally started to get interested in the presidential race. Once again, I don't really have any strong feelings in favor of one particular candidate-- but I think it's great that for the first time in my life, a convention might actually mean something!

11) Today was National Signing Day. And for the first time in seven years, I didn't have to spend the entire day driving from high school to high school, trying to beat the traffic and make it to six or seven schools, interview dozens of high school football players, and together a feature story at the last second. I don't miss it at all.

So there it is... a little mini update. Nothing earth-shattering.... at least not yet.

SuperBummer

For just the second time in nine years (and only the third time in the last dozen), I have Super Bowl Sunday off. And I was pretty excited about it. Of course, now that I don't have a job, I don't really have any friends, either... so it's not like I was invited to a Super Bowl party (sure, every year that I had to work, I was invited to at least one and had to decline).

Regardless, I was excited because I thought Cory and I could watch the game together, laugh at the commercials together, share a few beers together. Be a normal couple.

I guess it's no surprise-- that isn't happening. Because this year's Super Bowl is on Fox, and because it's during "sweeps," Cory got stuck working today. So, for the second time in nine years, I have Super Bowl Sunday off... and for the first time in at least that long, Cory's working on Super Bowl Sunday.

This stinks.

Not For You, Fattie.

Hungry?
Hope you're not in Mississippi, Lard-butt. It just might be getting a little bit more difficult to get a sandwich in the Magnolia State.